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How Do You Balance Your PH With Difficult Life Problems
The world doesn’t stop turning because you or a loved one has PH. Other big life problems occur such as: the loss of a job, a loved one passing away, a vehicle or household appliance breaking down, the loss of a relationship, etc..
Life can throw everyone for a loop sometimes but being sick on top of these difficult moments, can be exceptionally difficult.
How do you help yourself get through the heartache and challenges of life while also dealing with personal health issues? What has helped you through the difficult moments in life and what hasn’t?
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9 Replies
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Colleen,
Really good topic ! It can easily feel like you just DON’T have time for other things to go wrong in your life, but unfortunately this IS LIFE and things happen. My boyfriend’s father passed away recently and it was really hard on my boyfriend and his whole family, as well as emotionally difficult on myself. This happened the day after I got released from the hospital after getting a new tube in so I was dealing with my own recovery on top of the emotional struggles of losing someone in my life. For me, I have to make sure to STILL take care of my health in the ways that I can like taking my medications, using my oxygen when needed, taking naps and resting during the day as well as being emotionally available for others. I think one of the biggest “problems” we can face when dealing with extra life stress is that we just so easily put out own needs to the side. This is something that we CAN’T do when living with an illness because if we forget about ourselves and don’t give our body the proper care, how can we help others? It’s like that saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.-
@brittany-foster I’ve been wondering how you have both been doing since your boyfriend’s father passed away. It’s been a really rough past several months for the both of you. My impression has been that you are both really good at helping each other through life’s ups and downs. Thank God you have that kind of a relationship!
I had an emotional melt down at work one time because of not doing what you mentioned…taking care of myself. The caregivers really need to do that too. I often think of that day which is what brought me to this topic. My son’s PH was worsening and my husband had health concerns too. Work was stressful. My car broke down and money was tight. During my “break” at work I got on the phone with my son’s specialty pharmacy and then insurance. When I hung up I ended up sobbing at my desk. A co-worker told me to go home and take some time for myself. I tried to refuse but she insisted. Thank God I listened because I really needed to take a break. I remember going home and taking a hot bath and a long nap. Something that simple made me feel better but it took someone else to encourage me to do it!
It had me wondering how adult PH patients handle the stresses of life with their disease. I can imagine how difficult it must be at times.
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Colleen,
It’s one of the most difficult things in the world to just pause and acknowledge that you need help or that you need to take care of yourself. I feel like doing things for yourself or taking breaks and mental health days isn’t always looked at in the best light , but it should be. More people need to be doing this whether they are sick or not. If not, I have learned that it just drags you down even further and then mental health, anxiety, stress, depression, all can start creeping up more and more. We need to take time for us. It’s so important and an important topic to talk about. -
Hi Colleen, I thought I replied to this, so I will try again. I am so glad that you did listen to your coworkers and go home. Some days all we can do is hang our heads down and cry. I am sure with o your son already being sick that the other events just complied and you broke. We all break some days. It is OK, we all need to do just that. I am happy that you did listen and go home.
Some days, it is just too much. It certainly affects both our physical and mental health. I am not sure how I made it so long without a Therapist!
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This is such a great question and I have pondered as I was cleaning this morning.
As you both mention, life DOES go on, it does not stop for anyone. I feel when things fall apart, we tend to stress much more. I know that I do and my anxiety increases, therefore, increasing my shortness of breath. It is a vicious cycle.
Living with PH for almost 15 years, I have continued to deal with the usual life curveballs and need to deal with them. When I think back, there are so many situations. But, the worst was when my daughter was in an abusive relationship. It literally broke my heart that she did not recognize what he was doing to her. Little by little he kept her away from myself and my husband. Thank God, this was not for long. She woke up and realized what was happening and got out of that relationship. I remember days and nights crying my eyes out, not knowing if she was OK. We have always been so close, this almost killed me. I ended up in the hospital several times -thankfully I made it through, well we all did and safe. My doctors all told me that I was going to kill my self with the stress. I had to “let go and let God” – I did and finally, he led her back home safe.
During that time, it was so tough on me mentally and physically. I thought if my daughter did not think I was important and need or want me in her life, then I must be a bad person. It was so tough to take my meds, use my oxygen and do all the things that I knew I needed to do. I was not eating much at all and was about 15-20 pounds lighter. This was one of the toughest life curveballs that I have dealt with and thankfully I did wake up and realize as Brittany says, I could not help her if I wasn’t taking care of myself.
Whew- all the emotions just writing that. I thank God every day for a great hubby for her( and us) and such a happy and adventurous life. Sorry, Y’all I practically wrote a book here.
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Jen,
I can really relate to all the feelings you are expressing while writing that. The fear of the unknown, of what you can’t control, and the stress from frustration, sadness and anger all wrapped in one. Wathcing someone going through an abusive relationship is one of the most helpless feelings in the world. I personally have this experience with a couple of my close family members and wouldn’t wish it on anyone, especially witnessing it and feeling like you just can’t do much about it. It is so physically and mentally demanding on the body. Stress does more damage long term than we may know. I am glad that she got herself out of that situation and that you were also able to get your piece of mind back. I also went through a lot of similar feelings of thinking I was the one at fault for not being able to do anything and I took this out on myself in the ways you mentioned. Big hugs to you. Thank you for opening up about this, it is a hard topic to discuss but also discussing it and sharing about it can be very helpful!-
Thank you, Brittany. I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with this, too. It’s draining and certainly can stress us more than realize. I hope that the guilt in not being able to help your family members in a difficult time has passed. I’m sure therapy helps with that, too. I’ve moved past that guilt thankfully.
I don’t bring this up often as it reminds me of those days. It was very unhealthy for me and sounds like you as well.
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@jenc thank you for sharing such a personal experience. It’s openness like this that helps others a great deal.
This experience would be emotionally draining for anyone, but for you to have gone through it while battling PH…I can’t imagine! You all got through it though and that is a testament to your relationships. As Kelly Clarkson says, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” From what you have shared, you and your daughter are very close and as awful as that experience was for the both of you, maybe it played a part in the strong bond you have now.
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Thank you, Colleen. It was emotional even as I wrote this. I’m happy that she is in an awesome marriage, now.
It didn’t take us long to start or continue our close bond. I love that song, at times, it’s certainly my there song. I’m sure you can say that too.
Thank you for posting such a thought-provoking question. I appreciate your support.
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