What are some things you and your significant other do together for dates?

[robin-webster]

My husband and I have been married almost 35 years. Unfortunately, for the past several, most of our “dates” end up being wherever we go out to eat AFTER I have a doctor appointment in the city. lol! But, it’s all good, I guess. He has to use most of his vacation days from work to drive me to appointments or treatments, so our “dates” don’t happen often the past couple of years. Mostly they are celebrations at our home that I sort of create in order to help us still socialize with the folks we love. But sometimes we do go to a local lake that rents pontoon boats. I love being on the water and have missed being able to go to the ocean, so this is a really nice substitute. Very relaxing and carefree. We have also enjoyed trips to local animal rescue “farms” that have some exotic animals. I especially love camels. There’s something soothing about “gentle giant” animals that feels really reassuring when you interact with them. So that’s a fun day. Also, I’m a total foodie (and I love to cook) so anything that involves really good food, especially trying something unusual, is a great date for me. If we make a trip to a nearby farmer’s market or to a specialty grocery store, that even feels like a date to me, because it’s fun.

[brittany-foster]

Robin,
That’s so amazing that you both have been married for so long an still find the time to celebrate the little things together. When my mom takes me to appointments we usually go somewhere to eat after and make a day trip out of it (depending on where the appointment is). Usually the appointments that are further than an hour away we end up making the most of it.

I love all your dates that you do. The lake sounds amazing. I love doing fun things on lakes like renting a kayak or something. Lake sports are really fun and sometimes you can do ones that aren’t so tiring. I’m sure it is even nice to just be there together and enjoying the outdoors.

My boyfriend and I have been cooking together lately and you’re right, it does feel like a date sometimes just going to the market or the grocery store and picking out something to cook together.

It’s great that your husband seems to supportive and that you make good use of your time you spend together 🙂

[jen-cueva]

That’s awesome, Robin! My hubby and I have been married 27 years, I know we got married when I was 10, hehe

We do the same thing after doctor appointments, as we drive downtown for that and usually after I’m starving! Plus, it’s my treat for dealing with appointments, lol

I love the waters well, it is so peaceful!
I also love cooking, food in general, lol
I knew we would get along great! Too bad we aren’t all closer!

[brittany-foster]

I know, Jen! I wish so many of us lived close to each other. Then we could do real life meet ups/coffee dates/dinner dates and be appointment buddies lol. I have a lot of “real life” friends in the CHD community that I get to see once every few months and I love the time we have . If you ever come to New England let me know 🙂

[Colleen]

Brittany, I love the idea of your breakfast dates with your boyfriend. Honestly, I think that low keyed moments spent with those you care about are more special than big events. One of my favorite traditions with my dad since I was little is to visit a local diner for breakfast. My parents live in NJ and when they come to WA to visit, my dad and I still do this. The best conversations have taken place over breakfast!

Robin, you sound like such a fun person. I can tell you value every moment, big or small. I think it was at a carnival that my boys had the opportunity to ride on the back of a camel. Funny thing, I was little afraid of them but man my boys loved them. Now I’m wondering where those picture are because their smiles where huge!

As a caregiver making time for date night was never easy. Robin, just like your husband, mine used up all of his on medical appointments or staying home with our son when I had to work. Whenever we did go out we stuck close to home in case of an emergency. One time my parents babysat and we went to Applebees, around the corner from out home. Just as we where receiving our food my mom called in a panic. My son’s flolan pump alarm was going off and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. We had to rush out and told the waitress to box it and one of us would be back for it to take home. That was a fun date, lol!

[brittany-foster]

Colleen,
I can imagine how hard it must be to find time to “yourself” as a caregiver. Even when my mom is alone or doesn’t have any appointments to take me to for the day, it still seems like she is focused on how I’m doing. I guess that is just part of being a mom. It must be hard though because even when you do have that alone time together whether it’s just you or if it’s you with your significant other or family member, it’s like there are these brutal reminders of health that pop up when we don’t want them to. It can ruin a date or a night out pretty quickly.

[jen-cueva]

So true Colleen! I, too think those low key moments just spending time together are the best!

I can imagine it’s so tough as a Caregiver to find time for date nights and just some alone time, especially when your boys were younger.

Do you find that as they are older than you have more alone time? I know caregivers are guilty of taking their own time and I’m sure hubby time is decreased as well. I’m sure your hubby is busy working and yes, their vacation time is usually taken by hospital visits and doctor appointments.

I know that at any moment something can change and makes date night impossible at times. Kudos to you and the caregivers! Moms are awesome already!

[Colleen]

Jen and Brittany, now that my boys are older my husband and I do find more time to spend together. Honestly, we don’t look back and wish we had more date nights. Movie nights at home and game nights with the boys have left us with happy memories. Also, the 4 of us have a family that we are close friends with and they often have fun parties and every time they do my husband and I count that as a date night, even though the boys go too.

Brittany, I hope that when I share my perspective on caring for my son it doesn’t increase your concern about your mom. She sounds a lot like me and if I’m right about that then I promise you, she wishes you weren’t sick but she is happy taking care of and even worrying about you. I’m sure by now she has figured out a healthy balance for herself even if it might not appear that way to you. I wish I could find the right words to express what I’m trying to say but hopefully you get the idea.

[brittany-foster]

I totally get it Colleen! And your perspective is so great for me to hear. A lot of times my mom puts on such a brave face in front of me but I know she has her moments. I think that she does such an awesome job with balancing everything and still making sure to make time for my sisters/nephew/her family and friends etc. That is quite the balancing act that’s for sure! Thank you for being such a strong voice for the caregivers. My mom does sound a lot like you actually!

[jen-cueva]

You have me in tears reading your reply @colleensteele. I feel like you’re an amazing Mom and caregiver already. Reading your comments to myself and Brittany is just so sweet and heartfelt.

I cannot even begin to imagine how tough it is to care for a sick child. It breaks my heart when my Mom, hubby, and daughter ( family in general) have to see me on the toughest days. I know that it makes them sad, but hurts me too. No one should have to go through these things. I mean my mom has already taken care of me as a child and now as an adult at times.

It makes it easier learning each other’s perspectives. Thank y’all for sharing.

[brittany-foster]

I agree, Jen! I love how many different perspectives we can see here on these forums. It is good to hear from the other side of things. My mom is still coming over my house to clean, especially on the days she knows I can’t do much . Does your mom still help you out with the housework/ things that need to be done? I feel like my mom will be doing this until she can’t anymore LOL (but hey I’m not complaining if she wants to clean!)

[jen-cueva]

Yes, I agree Brittany! We definitely need to make that deal. I hope to be able to travel now that I got the ” OK” to fly again! It’s been awhile.

Too funny, my Mom too will be doing whatever I’ll let her until she’s 100! Lol But she lives about 7 hours away. My most recent hospitalization, she came fir several weeks. The first week I was home , she kicked me out of my kitchen . That was actually the most I’ll let her do , she does everything all the time. I try and do things when she’s here for her. But, it’s so nice to have her cook some fresh veggies and cornbread when I get home. This is usually my request when she asks, 😂

I still will try and pick up and do things at my Daughter’s house. Yes, she just got married, but like your Mom, I’ll be trying to do it all when she allows me .

[Colleen]

Jen, but I don’t want to put you in tears! I understand what you are saying though and thank you! I was laughing when you mentioned Boba, that has really become a popular thing. For some reason I don’t care for it but both of my boys do and it’s become a way for them to bond. They will often do a Boba run together and disappear for a while. As their mom I like to envision that they are having memorable brotherly conversations when they go.

Both you and Brittany have made great suggestions of fun activities PHer’s can enjoy. Watching sports is a great one! Just remember to stay hydrated and wear a hat to protect yourself if you will be in direct sunlight. I see that eye roll, it’s the same one my son gives me! LOL!

In all seriousness, I hope others are at least reading these comments because you are providing great ideas. Our family enjoys board games on occasion, or chess and even Uno. It sounds dorky but we have great times when we have a game night. Lot’s of laughter.

I too wish we all lived closer. Let’s make a deal that if we are ever in each other’s state we will try to meet up!

[brittany-foster]

Would love to make that deal for a meet up if we are ever in each other’s states ! Rhode Island is small enough that even if you happened to be in Boston or even New York, I would make the trip!

Game night is really a great idea for something you can do with the whole family. Whenver my family gets together we always end up playing cards until the early hours of the morning (when adult beverages are involved we play Cards Against Humanity: WARNING you have to be wildly inappropriate to play this game LOL)

[jen-cueva]

Ohh, Colleen, it was happy tears! 😊I could just relate as a Mom and a sick adult child.

Too funny about the Boba tea, as I always just would get the teas no Boba until this past year. There is only a few places where I’ve actually eaten the “ Boba”. I think it was a texture thing, but some places I’ll just add like half. Lol, I’m glad that your boys can bond there. Here at several, they have board games to play.

I was reading the tips to wear a hat and stay hydrated. Just as I was thinking, “ yes Ma’am”, I saw gw eye-rolling part. Too funny.

I like board games as well. That is one thing that I have always tried to do with my nieces and nephews. It’s something that I can do most days.

I will have to check out that game Brittany when my sisters and I get together.

[jen-cueva]

Brittany, I love the breakfast date and trying all the places! I’ve never been a big breakfast fan, but the last several years, Brunch is one of my fave things! I think it’s because I can sleep in and go later, lol

My hubby and I enjoy going to Farmers Markets, Markets, and date nights in. This is more often in the warmer months. We also like coffee shop dates as well as Boba tea dates. I like the chill environment of both of these and it’s not expensive, either.

These are our go-to dates other than just movie night at home and sometimes going out to restaurants and movies, etc.. We do cook together sometimes as well and it’s been more lately as he’s usually the grill master and not allowed in my kitchen. I’m learning how to share my space, lol

If I have something more adventurous and active it’s usually planned in advance, lol

We are going to a local soccer game next month so I’m looking forward to that as it will be our first live soccer game.

[brittany-foster]

Jen,
The soccer game sounds awesome! I used to play soccer as a kid and I personally think it’s one of those sports that when you play it , there’s never a dull moment AND when you’re watching it, it’s just as fun. There is a New England professional team called the NE Revolutions and they play at the huge stadium that the New England Patriots play at. I think a lot of games are in the summer time. That would be fun to do. Games are a good date idea too because your sitting but also watching something and feeling active because of all the adrenaline lol! Good idea!

[jen-cueva]

Thanks, Brittany, my daughter played soccer too and this was Pre-PH. I ran along the sidelines yelling and cheering. Hehe…yes, I WAS that mom. Lol

Yes, we went to an Astros baseball game a few times and that was great. I love cheering the teams on.