• Diane Enriquez Chung posted an update 1 year, 2 months ago

    My husband and I are pretty bummed right now. We had spent the past few years trying to do an IVF through a surrogate (my sister). The fertility doctor has never had a patient like me before so of course she had to learn about my condition through my pulmonary doctors and me. I had been on the Depo shot for a couple years and she told me to stop getting them so I can produce more eggs to have extracted when the time comes. My husband and I were excited that our dream of a kid was close. Fast forward a couple years and no period yet. 😞 The fertility doc was curious why that happened since I stopped the Depo. Then when she checked my egg count, she found a small mass and wanted to take a sample of it. 3 failed attempts of getting a usable sample later, she now told us that since I used oxygen during the last 2 attempts, she feared that I would not be able to handle an egg extraction at all. I told her to speak with my pulmonologist again so she can explain I am stable enough for it. But after that conversation, the fertility doc had to explain to my husband and me was that the egg extraction is an out patient setting. And since I have PH and a hole in my heart and have to be on oxygen and must be monitored by a skilled nurse during invasive procedures, she tells us that they cannot provide any of that for me. 😢 I would need an O.R. setting which they cannot do and cannot go to an O.R. setting because of specific criteria the extraction needs. So she had to “regretfully” reject us from the process of IVF. So depressing that I had spent the past few years doing all the blood work and procedures she wanted all for nothing. I’m older and so is my sister. So who knows what the condition my sister’s body is now after all this waiting for nothing. She had given us a few options; egg donor or adoption. But I really wanted a child that was part of me and my husband. The fertility doc referred us to the USC fertility here in California where they might be able to help. But I am a little depressed because we basically have to start over. I haven’t had the courage to call because I am mad at myself and the fertility doc. I think about it everyday and yet I do nothing about it. All will is lost most days regarding this situation. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but it’s hard not to. Is or has anyone else had a similar problem or have any advice??

    • Hi Diane,
      I am so sorry that you are going through this and I actually can relate to how you must be feeling right now. I have had infertility because of removal of my tubes and right ovary when I was only 20. I thought that i would be able to do IVF before I had all these health complications. It then turned into the hard truth that i wouldn’t be able to carry the child so I thought about surrogacy and also using my sister as one. I then was told that with my breathing conditions and the oxygen and PH, it wouldn’t be safe for me to go through the egg extraction because it would need to be an actual surgical removal of eggs due to the position of my remaining ovary. Also, they were very skeptical about the hormones and how they would effect my breathing. So it took me awhile to realize and accept that wouldn’t be my best option. I have recently talked with a private adoption company and feel way better about it and really am looking forward to that. My sisters also told me they would use their egg and I know deep inside I would love that baby either way. Same as adoption. It’s not easy though at ALL and it’s such a hard reality to come to terms with. You’re allowed to feel angry. Allowed to cry it out, allowed to feel upset and sad and even upset with your doctors. Feel all your feelings and know that it is a loss and is devastating. I’m so sorry for you because i know what you are feeling and I truly can relate. Please feel free to private message me and reach out any time. My hugs and thoughts are with you right now.

      • I knew I was not going to be able to carry a child early on in my diagnosis. So I was able to cope with that reality a long time ago. So are you going through with adoption? I was thinking that a family would not want their child to be raised with someone that is sick and unwell. And that our chances of finding a child to take in, would be literally impossible. So adoption is our last resort if we can’t get any help with the USC fertility. At the same time, starting over with USC gives me such anxiety of rejection that I just want to give up with all ideas. How are you doing with your adoption process? Any advice for anything?

        • For the private adoption that we are looking into, I have asked this question about living with an illness like PH and they informed me that as long as my doctors can provide documentation saying that it is being managed, they would never turn me away. I was so afraid of them saying that we wouldn’t be a good candidate. I believe that all adoption centers are different though because one also said to me something along the lines of not wanting children who are already vulnerable be placed in a home where they would see a lot with my condition. It was heartbreaking but then i found another agency who was so open to my condition, new about the oxygen use, and just said that all they do is talk with the doctors and get documents from them when they do a home study. I am not at that level yet because the private adoption requires marriage for at least a year and I am not even engaged yet. I would suggest researching private adoption first and be honest about your conditions right away to see if you would qualify. It helps to shift your focus and focus on what you ARE able to do when it comes to children vs getting let down by the ways you can’t. I can understand how hard this is for you, I really can.

        • Oh wow! That sounds like they are pretty understanding. If you don’t mind me asking, what agency did you go through? I know adoption is our last resort, but I would love any info you are willing to provide me. 😇 We just want to try our luck with USC once I get the courage to call them. We even were thinking to ask my sister if she would be our egg donor. My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years now and been together since high school (2000). I’ve been wanting a child since my 20’s and I’m slowly approaching my late 30’s 🙁 so our window for everything seems to be closing fast; especially since we got turned down by the fertility doc a couple months ago.

          Thanks for listening to me. 🙂

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