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  • ronald cole posted an update 1 year, 8 months ago

    Hello, Again Folks,
    Last Evening, a Friday evening I was feeling very frightened. Yes, a full grown man, a Marine frightened to death. I have had PH about six months now and NEVER experienced fear like this before. I live in Dallas, Texas, new here and do not have any real friends that I can open up to. I was scared to death. I was physically sick and depressed; my heart was pounding, my breath was short, I was Nauseated and scared to death. Jut at a critical moment I got a call from my Home Health Care Lady, my PT person and she said could she come over for a pt class. She is an Amazing young lady 43 years old, and her handsome husband died of colon cancer three years ago. I won’t bore you with all the details other than when she came here, we began to talk, and I told her it finally hit me, and the water began to pour from my eyes, It would not stop, I was not crying per se, just mountains of water kept coming out. I was embarrassed, and I said to her, I can imagine how you must have felt when your husband died. She said the difference is that she was surrounded by friends and her thought for me being alone, and live in an apartment with stairs that are unmanageable for me now, I am trapped, she looked up to me for my courage. I always remembered the story I read here about the woman who hated going to family functions, because everyone always said how good she looked when she was dying on the inside, got tired of hearing that and said ” How do they know how I am really feeling” I told her that story, she understood. I know all the things I should do, just sometimes I feel so tired or sick that thinking is hard work. Whenever I write I always get the most significant letters back, so let me that all of you, Thanks from the bottom of my heart, they mean so much. I am having many issues now, including economic insecurity, I have had tons of expenses, Hurricanes, two open heart surgeries, all going out and nothing but social security is coming in, I will find a way. Being 77 years old, most of my buddies are long gone, and I have been divorced for many years. My Children are selfish, have their own lives. I just felt like writing to all you exceptional Human Beings, fighting the good fight and thanks to our wonderful Moderator Brittney who always seems to know the right time to respond. I appreciate all your responses. Ron Cole

    • Ronald I can definitely say I’ve been there ten years into my diagnosis I still have those moments. I was in denial for years before it really hit me how scary this ph thing is. If I could give you any advice from a “old head” so to speak lol is no matter how scary it gets keep taking your meds if you are on any , keep all of your appts and talk to your doctor about everything…I didn’t in the beginning and I regret that

    • Hi Ron,
      You know that you always have us for support and friendship. Online communities like this are especially great if you can’t get out of the house much and still need someone to talk to and listen. I think that it is only healthy for us to let our emotions out and feel any hurt that we are keeping inside. I have had bouts of crying for hours at a time and find that the more I address my emotions when they happen and not push them aside for another time, the better I feel. When I can cry, get angry and upset, and scream out how I feel or write out how I feel. It is as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am able to go about my day. I am glad that your PT was there and was understanding when you were going through all of this. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to open up here . Writing can be very therapeutic and expressing yourself through written words seems to be a talent of yours because you do it in a way others can truly relate to.

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