-
I’ve written a book: *For My Own Good: Medical PTSD and Me*
OK, folks, here’s a shameless bit of self-promotion:
I’m pleased and relieved to announce that I have a new book out, titled For My Own Good: Medical PTSD and Me. You can find it on Amazon in both digital and print formats. If you get a copy and find it to be a worthwhile read, I’d appreciate your leaving a few stars and a review on the Amazon site. I’d also appreciate your mentioning the book to people you know who might be interested.
(I note that there is a novel with the same main title. I can assure you that my story is NOT fiction! If you order a copy, make sure it’s my book.)
Here’s the back-cover blurb about the book:
When Brenda Denzler got a diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer at age 56, she was almost as terrified of her doctors and what they proposed to do to her as she was of the cancer itself.
Fearing and mistrusting the only people who could (possibly) save her life, she found herself trapped in a bad dream from which she couldn’t wake up–living out in her daily reality the events of the recurring nightmare that had disrupted her sleep for decades. As she soon discovered, the dark events that had dogged her dreams originated in events fifty years earlier, with other doctors and other nurses who had done things to her “for her own good.”
This is the story of Brenda’s struggle to survive, not just physically, but, most importantly, psychologically in the face of her overwhelming terror of the doctors and nurses who, once again, wanted to do things to her “for her own good.”
It is also a searingly honest look at the ways that medicine–yesterday and today–too often needlessly traumatizes its patients. Brenda began her cancer treatments determined to fight to live. By the end, her medical encounters had left her feeling that perhaps it would be better if she had died.
For My Own Good is a deep dive into the places where medical need and psychological damage overlap and compete for healing attention. It is also a call for a way of providing health care that runs less risk of traumatizing patients (and professionals).
For My Own Good will have you closing the book so you can catch your breath, then compulsively picking it up again to read more. Whether you are one of the many thousands of people with PTSD due to traumatic medical treatment, their friends and family who have had to stand back powerlessly and watch, or a doctor or nurse who has struggled to treat a difficult patient with a traumatic medical past, Brenda’s story rings a bell that we must not fail to hear.
-
20 Replies
-
Wow, @brenda-denzler ! The back cover information has hooked my attention! But most importantly, once again, it takes me to a place where I know I will never relate but hate what you have been through. Because we can’t go back, I am inspired by how far you have come since and with the PTSD that will always remain with you, unfortunately.
I thought you were only going digital for a while, so I’m excited to learn you offer print, too. Did you change your mind at the last minute, or did your publishing team suggest that?
My heartbreaks and reading the book will have me crying and cussing many times. But, unfortunately, this happens to others. Medical PTSD and trauma are real an should not ever happen! Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story so others will benefit for years.
-
Thanks, Jen. I always intended to go digital and paper, both. Digital was just fastest and easiest to get out there.
I hope you enjoy it. As I’ve taken to warning people: There are no heroes in this story. We’re used to the “heroic cancer patient” story line, right? Brave cancer patient suffers and overcomes all? Well, this ain’t that. First of all, the story is not about having cancer. It’s about having medical PTSD and being terrified and suspicious of doctors/nurses, and THEN getting cancer. Second, no one in this story comes across as a hero. Least of all me.
I hope the story ignites a deep and lasting conversation in the medical world. It’s a conversation that needs to be had.
-
@brenda-denzler , the cover is so powerful as is the title! I can’t wait to read this. I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment trying to get ready to move to NJ. Once I’m settled this is at the top of my to read pile! I think I’m suffering some second-hand medical PTSD from my husbands last days.
-
It’s quite possible for family members to get PTSD (or PTS) from watching and/or being in any way a part of a family member’s health situation. We have a few such parents in our FB support group for mPTSD. I hope that, for you, it is PTS that resolves itself (you are healed) with time and never progresses to becoming the D — Disorder.
And may your move go very well, too! It’s a real pain to move, and when it’s a long-distance move, it’s particularly stressful.
-
Thank you @brenda-denzler . Maybe you address this in your book, but PTSD can vary quite a bit from one situation to another. I’ve dealt with and still suffer a bit from it from watching my son struggle with PH and a transplant, but what I’ve been experiencing since my husband’s passing has a whole other feeling. I don’t wish this on anyone; you can struggle with PTSD in multiple situations. I’m really anxious to read your book!
-
Yes, I think every form of PTSD has its unique features due to the unique circumstances that cause it from case to case. We have one woman, in particular, in our mPTSD group who was traumatized by watching her husband die in the hospital. She was aware that he was declining and needed attention. The nursing staff and doctors refused to listen to her over a period of several days, until it was too late.
I think we become enmeshed with the people in our lives in real (if only energetic) ways, and when that mesh gets broken — a hole gets punched into it for one reason or another — it can be very difficult…even traumatic because it really *isn’t* just about the person whose departure left the hole. It’s also about the rip in the fabric of your own reality and the damage that does.
-
@brenda-denzler this is what happened to me. It’s too fresh for me to talk about it yet, but let’s say the staff was relying on me during my husband’s medical emergency WHILE he was in the hospital. I have flashbacks that I don’t think will ever go away.
-
-
Hey @brenda-denzler, you should give yourself some credit, my dear PHriend. Despite your medical trauma and PTSD experiences, you’ve turned into one heck of a woman! I’ve witnessed you evolve so much in just this short time since you joined us in the forums. I’m inspired; I know others can see it and find themselves inspired.
I have it in my Amazon cart to order next. So, hopefully, early November, if not sooner. Yep, I’m a slower reader lately. But I’m trying to get back to reading like my pre-COVID days.
Thanks so much for sharing! I’m hopeful you’ll have some excellent sales, and this book will begin to make those difficult conversations between patients and HCPs happen.
-
LOL! Jen, you’re too kind! Tell that to some of my old doctors. 🙂
-
I would be more than happy to tell them, @brenda-denzler. As you well know, they probably will tune me out, too. Hehe,
-
-
-
Sounds like an interesting book!! Got it bookmarked on Amazon and will check it out when I park my truck for the winter.
Maybe I have it too? Been through the wringer since 2016 and am about the same place I started.
-
Oh no, sorry to hear @Roger Bliss! PTSD is certainly not a fun experience, and it haunts us forever.
Like you, I have it in my Amazon cart. I’m reading a book now and waiting to finish it. I look forward to hearing what you think.
-
I don’t know how people can have chronic breathing problems that are fairly serious and NOT wind up with some form or degree of trauma. Dealing with it (the breathing issues and the trauma) is hard!
-
-
Dear Brenda – I don’t even know you except from this forum, but I am so proud of you. I’m sure writing this book was difficult for you, but at the same time maybe cleansing. I know for me sometimes writing down my feelings in a journal is helpful. Many times it requires lots of tears, but I do feel better afterward.
I’m sure this book will help many people, and from that you can draw satisfaction. When my second child died from stillbirth shortly before his due date, I later had a doctor and an English professor tell me I should write a book about my mourning journey. I never did. Now I often remember the words my doctor said “it would be so helpful for other parents finding themselves in this situation.” And I regret never having written it. That’s why I’m proud of you for being vulnerable and reliving you experiences in such a painful way in order to help someone else along the way.
I have your book on my Amazon list and plan to order it very soon. Again, thank you for writing this. I’m sure it will be of help to others. Bless you my PHriend.
-
@DeLois Tweedy you are such a gentle soul! Your comments to @brenda-denzler was well worded. I’m so proud of her for writing the book, too!
You express yourself well in writing. It’s never too late to write a book!
-
Thanks, DeLois. (Delois?) It’s hard to write about painful stuff. In my case, it was somewhat cathartic to get it out there for others to know about. On the other hand, I am no hero in this story, so….
One of the precursors to the events that originally traumatized me was the loss of twin sisters who were born 3 years after me. They died quickly after being born. I didn’t experience it, directly, as a trauma. But my parents did, and that affected me, of course. You’ll read about it in the book. Chapter 3, I think. Trigger warning.
I’m sorry that you lost a child to stillbirth. I can only imagine how hard that is to deal with and move on from. To the extent that one ever moves on. I know that, for my parents, they moved on, but not past.
-
Wonderful support and extremely touching, @DeLois Tweedy ! Your words show what a beautiful soul you are, my PHriend. Thank you; we are fortunate to have you as a member here.
-
-
Brenda, so well put. You move on, but not past…..
-
Colleen, thank you for your kind words. I do write in a journal, sporadically. I guess it will be there for my children and grandchildren to read at some point in time.
-
I love that @DeLois Tweedy! My late grandfather left notes to read when he was gone. We found them, and I was asked to read some at his Memorial Service. I barely made it, but I did, but with alligator tears by the end. My mom still has the letters.💜
-
Log in to reply.