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Dating and Relationships
I have met a man on my karaoke site that lives in England. He has become interested in a relationship with me. He is planning on coming for a visit in a couple of months. I am concerned about my diagnosis of Pulmonary Hypertension and how it will affect our relationship. I have tried to explain the condition to him. but he stubbornly wants to believe it will go away, but I know it won’t.How can i explain this to him. He is interested in a long term relationship marriage if possible. Our age ranges from seventy-two to eighty-one. I see no hope for a relationship with him. I know a companion would be nice to have. Does anyone have any advice that they could share with me? I live in the USA. A big life change for someone from England.
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5 Replies
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Hi Sara,
You’re already starting off on the right foot being honest about your condition. I think it’s important our partners know about the disease so they know how to support us (and so we know they can handle it!). Having hope is good and necessary so why not see his belief that it will go away as a form of hope? Instead of telling him he’s wrong, say that although it may go away eventually, PH is affecting you right now, and you need him to understand aspects of it in order to build a relationship. Like all things, take it one step at a time and enjoy yourself.-
Hi Sara,
I can understand how hard this is. Its definitely important to be honest. If you end up getting into a committed relationship something that I would suggest would be to have them go with you to a doctor appointment. Sometimes hearing the doctor explain things will help that person to hear more about what you have from the experts. This has helped a great deal with denial with members of my own family and in relationships. Even showing paperwork or testing from the doctors to further educate is helpful. I would get the info from the doctor though instead of having them do the research themselves . I think you’re off to a good start though. Remember that not only is it a lot for the patient to process. But if people truly care about you it’s a lot for them to process and accept too. It doesn’t happen overnight. I still go back and forth with acceptance myself. -
Sara it sounds like you have already brought up the subject. I am not sure how impaired you are and who is older you or him. If it is he that is 81 he may be more interested in you as a best friend or companion. My husband of 13 years is 16 years older than I. I had a slight worry about his age but in retrospect he has been the love of my life and I have thought what if I hadn’t taken the chance. He is now 76 I will be 60 next month. Here I sit being diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. He seems strong as an ox. I have exercised daily for over 40 years. I can count less then 50 times he has exercised in the 14 years I have known him. We have an intimate relationship with no problems other then less of a frequency. The important things to ask are about his lifestyle. Does he eat healthy? Does he drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes or cigars. They would impact your health negatively. Has he been married before? How many times and for how long. What ended the marriages. This will provide you with answers on weather you are truly compatible. I met my husband online we passed in the wind with our careers but we never would have bumped into each other.
Also I would suggest that you check him out. It may cost $100 but worth millions if there is something not right about him. Do you know his financial status? Have you discussed where you would live? I know couples that split there time between each home so both are gaining and not giving up! Good luck and keep us posted.
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Thanks Kathleen, you have been very helpful with your advice. I have suffered a lot of depression since being diagnosed. My friend has helped me through a lot of it!
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Hello Brittany, I appreciate your input into relationships! I know it won’t be easy to convince him , because he is in total denial that I won’t get well. Thanks! Sara
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