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Is It Ok To Say No as the Holidays Approach?
Yes, I realize that Halloween has not passed just yet. But the holidays are approaching sooner than later. This week in my column, I discuss this topic. It is no secret that 2020 has been different in many areas of our lives. This is something that we can all agree on.
This is why I shared my plans with my parents and extended family, or shall I say my lack of plans this holiday day season? Please give it a read, and let me know what your thoughts are. Will the holidays at your house look different this year? Do you have a plan I place or at least set your boundaries so that no one has other expectations when the time comes?
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23 Replies
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Hi Jen. We usually have Thanksgiving at my sister’s, then Christmas at my brother’s. We’ve not been together for birthdays or anything since March. My nephew and his family have already decided they won’t be coming in for either holiday, which is difficult for my sister but a relief as well. We’ve been discussing possible ways to get together at my sister’s while keeping our distance from each other. I hate to disappoint anyone, but even that makes me nervous so I’m not sure what I’ll do. Our mom loved the holidays, and it was always a very special time with everyone getting together. I keep reminding myself that this is hopefully a one year uncontrollable situation and everyone’s safety and health is most important.
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@jenc people do need to start thinking about the holidays so they can help family and friends plan. I think more people than not will be staying home this year. I know we will be. Our extended family is in other states so we are use to celebrating the holidays without them, however, we have close friends that we usually celebrate with. We won’t be doing that this year.
I think the hardest part for me has been that we have stopped receiving invitations to things. It’s a case of…they know – that we know – that they know – we can’t go. LOL! Even though I will have to turn invitations down does it sound silly that I still want to at least get invited?
@dawnt let us know what you end up deciding on and if you and your sister figure out a way to gather with social distancing.
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Thanks for sharing @dawnt. I, too, thought about doing social distancing visits with my sisters and their families. But, they are not practicing any social distancing much at all during this pandemic. So that makes me nervous. That was heavily on my mind, and I talked to my therapist about it.
Like your mother, my mom loves Christmas. But she lives out of state and unable to travel. If not, I would do what I could to make her happy. I mentioned a Zoom call on Christmas Eve as this is when we usually gathered, and then my family and I would go to candlelight services. It is not looking good this year.
Thanksgiving last year was the first time that my hubby and I went to eat out. It was not my idea, but it turned out much better than I thought it would. Please do let us know what y’all decide on and any creative ideas.
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Hey @colleensteele, I can understand with you. Even if we had no family here, we have had holiday meals with friends and neighbors in the past. This year, this will all be new.
I, too, have not had any invitations since probably March, so I get that. Even if I were planning to decide, it would be nice to be invited. I go back and forth because I want to be invited, but I also do not want to disappoint others by saying no. For me, maybe no invites are a good thing, hehe.
But, I get that it can be a bit lonely and hurtful at times.
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Cullen and Brian are so laid back about everything. They keep reminding me, “Our friends understand and respect that we can’t attend things so why are you upset?” LOL! They are right of course. My friend whose house we always go to told me she doesn’t invite me to things because she doesn’t want me to say yes. I was taken aback until she explained. She said, “If I ended up giving any of you Covid I would never forgive myself!”
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Hi @colleensteele, I am happy that your friend did explain that to you. Did that help you at all with not being invited by others? I do understand, and the same with me. My family says why would I want an invite because I hate saying no, hehe. I am sending you big hugs from Texas.
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Hi @jenc, my update on my brother, sister, and I having Thanksgiving together: We decided just yesterday that while it’s really hard, we’re not going to be together for Thanksgiving. We’re probably not going to do Christmas together either, but we’re holding off on a final decision for that until we see how the covid nbrs are in our area then. I suggested we could call each other and share our meal that way. We feel we’ve come this far without any covid in the family and, like Colleen’s friend, none of us want to be responsible for anyone getting the virus. And, just think how wonderful those in person reunions will be! So many hugs to make up for!
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Thanks, @dawnt, for sharing. Just yesterday, we decided that we will cook at our house and only have the kiddos over. I am looking forward to cooking with them and being goofy.
But, Christmas, well, who knows, but it will be just my hubby and me as it looks. I do not think much is going to change between now and then. We all need to remind ourselves of the many reunions that we can attend when this is all over with.
Big hugs coming your way from Texas. Together, we will get through this year and whatever comes our way.
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@dawnt at least you were all united in the decision. Sad that you can’t be together for the holiday but wonderful how much you all care and look out for each other. I love the idea of a video call in order to enjoy dinner together!
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College, I admire your friend who told you she does not want to invite you in fear you will say yes. What a wonderful friend! For all of us it isn’t just the fear of the virus, it is also about being exposed to all infections especially when we and people close to us are so venerable.
My husband and I have always spent Thanksgiving with the kids and grandchildren in CA, but not this year sadly ????. We will probably do a zoom visit. This year for the holidays it will be Dick, Spirit and myself trying to be very thankful we are well and safe!
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Collen- so sorry my post went before I could correct your name!!!!
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I did it again ! COLLEEN! Sending you hugs to forgive me!
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HI Everyone, is it ok to say NO? I feel it is ok to say no. In this time with Covid I feel it is the safe way for me being vulnerable but also for everyone else’s safety. The way it seems to be spreading none of us can really feel we are immune to it. Very sad. I have very limited contact but even with masks -cleansers – social distances – groceries – I feel unsafe when I am out of my comfortable, pleasant home. I think ZOOM contact with others would be very good. I have been using it for medical -hated it at first but i like that i can be really comfortable in my own home. Don’t have to drive – I remember a lot of idiots out there.
All in all, we will keep it simple, safe and thankful for what we do have.
Please be safe every one. -
With my RA,Fibro and now PH, our motto for years has been simplify as much as we can and still enjoy the holidays. One of the few times I’m grateful for such a small family. I’m thankful friends and relatives still invite us even though we are highly likely to stay at home. Simplicity is my goal with decorating, baking and meal planning but still keep it festive. Saying no to family and friends is easy. Saying no to myself is harder.
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Hi @cdvol3gmail-com, we are thankful that the kiddos will be here for our small fam Thanksgiving. Christmas for us will probably be the most difficult. Either way, I remind myself that we can celebrate by FaceTime, Zoom calls, etc. It is not my kind of holiday season, but I rather take precaustions with everyone else.
We have not planned anything yet after Thanksgiving. But, I did tell my extended family that I would not be taking part in anything except Zoom or FT calls. We will get through this and think of the memories we will make next year.
What things are you doing to prepare your mindset better this holiday season?
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Hey Jen, trying to stay positive – looking for that pony! I have a RHCath this Friday and hoping my pressures stay stable. The 1st one several years ago was over 100 but, my echos of late have been in the 50ies. So I hope. As for holidays it is just Dick,Spirit and myself with zoom visits with the kids. Meals will stay traditional (guess the freezer will get filled up). It is just to dangerous to be out there – too many people are getting sick. Even the common cold can put you serious risk with our immune system compromised. So do be careful stay well and safe. Warm hugs!
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Hi @alfredjohn, I agree; it is unfortunate and such a somber year. The virus continues to spread in almost places. Who would have guessed back in early March this is where we would be?
Like you, when I go out, I am in almost a panic mode to get back home and in my nice, clean, and comfy PJs. It is where I feel the safest. I have enjoyed outings to a few parks that I have enjoyed. Those are probably my best times where I also felt safe.
You must be driving in Houston traffic talking about idiots, hehe.
Take care, and stay safe.
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Hi @darlarayne, I love your thoughts on this, simplicity! That is so me the last few years during the holidays. I have learned to slow down a bit more and enjoy the tiniest moments. We all deserve this. Thanks for such an important reminder. WE can do little things that make us and our loved ones happy. For me, spending time together is most important, next would be food, hehe.
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Hi @cdvol3gmail-com, yep, looking for that pony!
I hope and pray that your RHC on Friday will tell us good news. Please do keep us posted. Do you usually know right after yours, or do you have to wait and go back in for your results?
It is funny that you mention the common cold. I feel like I have one now. But, it could still be allergies. This weather has been nuts.
Too funny, you will make a huge feast for you, Dick, and Spirit, certainly should have tons of leftovers. Maybe I should head your way, hehe.
Big hugs from Texas
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Hi Jen. Thank you for positive vibes for my RHC Friday. My pulmonolgist here will be doing the procedure so I will probably know right there – keep you posted.
Yep, there will be lots of leftovers so come on up here ???? and enjoy. Wouldn’t that we great if we could!
Hugs going to Texas!
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Yes, that would be lovely @cdvol3gmail-com. We could all gather and enjoy a Thanksgiving feast. No worries, you all will be part of why I am thankful. You and the members here are so supportive and caring.
Yes, please do update us on your RHC results on Friday. I am sending all of my positive thoughts and vibes your way.
-Big hugs-
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I’ve been thinking about the upcoming holiday season and thought this was an excellent reminder. A few different friends invited us for Thanksgiving, but we have not yet decided what we are doing. I know- it’s this Thursday!
Do any of you also feel like it just popped up on us? I’m trying to decide if we want a “low-key” Thanksgiving or a large crowd. I find that large crowds sound fun, then when it’s time to get ready and go, I am not as pumped. Maybe it’s me as I am getting older, hehe.
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Just a little reminder for y’all that it is OK to say No during the holidays. Let’s work harder at listening to our bodies and not overdoing and overcommitting to events.
Since moving to San Diego without my extended family around, it’s a much easier task for me.
Do you find yourself guilty of this?
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