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Online Dating
Online dating is becoming more and more a part of mainstream culture with applications like Tindr and websites like Match.com. Online dating comes with its benefits for people with disabilities who may not have the energy (or desire – thank you very much!) to go out and try to meet people in bars and clubs.
However, it quickly brings up the question of whether to disclose a disability, and when to do it. Do you write about it in your profile? Do you bring it up before the first date? Everyone has different answers according to their comfort level. My online dating profile featured a photo of me eating a burrito in a hospital gown, soo… To each their own.
A big issue with online dating is safety. Anyone can make a dating profile, and more often than not, the content isn’t entirely truthful. Be careful about giving out personal information. At the same time, try to collect personal information from the other person. Look for their other online profiles: Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. to make sure everything matches up. Consider having a conversation over the phone or video chat before meeting in person. This will make you feel more comfortable with each other when you meet in person, too.
Those of you who have had experience with online dating, do you have any tips to share? Which sites, if any have you had success with? What issues have come up?
Sharing your misadventures can be healing. Just last night, my friend and I were swapping stories of really bad dates we went on that could have been avoided if we’d had a better filter for online suitors. Lots of lessons to learn. I’d love to hear some of your stories, and as you’ve probably guessed after the burrito-eating picture, I’m an open book.
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11 Replies
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Would really like to hear from other PHers with experience in this topic!
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it sucks. Lol sorry had to vent that real quick. The question of when to disclose is very tricky. I’ve been lectured by ones that I was dating that I should’ve told her sooner cuz she was looking for a long term relationship (that hurt). And I’ve been accused of using that as sympathy to get more dates(no energy to do more more dates) so no. I’ve pretty much given up on online dating and anyone new that I meet will depend on the vibe I get but I’m usually wrong no matter what I do. Not sure if any of that helped but that’s all I got for now Lol.
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I’m sorry you have had this experience with online dating. I know that online dating can be dofficult in itself, nevermind dating with a chronic illness. I hate when people think that we are pulling the sympathy card. I would never want sympathy for the condition that we have. If anything is a positive through all of this, it weeds out those who aren’t worth your time! I hope you have better experiences though!
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With me, it’s a timing thing on disclosure of my disabilities. Most of the time when I do bring it up I will no longer hear from them. I’ve also had them say, well I’m looking for someone who is healthy. Some are only interested on who I know in the music business. All I say to them afterwards is, thank you for showing me how shallow you are before any feelings develop. Then I take my own advice that I give others, “I’d rather be lonely than miserable”. Loneliness you can fix by being around others. Misery is optional.
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Bob,
I like that saying “misery is optional” in a way, it’s a good thing to be honest and up front about your condition early on especially because it weeds out the ones who CLEARLY aren’t worth being in your life. I developed my condition while dating my boyfriend and am always worried about him choosing to not want to be with me anymore but I know that is just a worry and that he had a huge heart and one that is CHOOSING to be in my life just as much as I would choose to be with him through the good and bad. People are ignorant to the fact that our disease is beyond out control but we DO have control over the type of people we are !
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No Offense! but I am against it
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Hi Julia,
Certainly no offense taken ! I can see why there are a lot of people with chronic illness and limiting conditions that resort to social media or online dating though (even people without chronic illness) My sister has done it. I haven’t and was lucky to meet my boyfriend through mutual friends when I was in my 20s and we have been dating for 6 years. I am uncomfortable with many of the “dating” sites. Particularly the ones that just base your “match” on what you look like. It’s so superficial for me an I am way more of an “old school” type dater and still in the tech generation of 20 somethings !
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I think online dating is normal thing nowadays.
And this is really nice to find your couple just sitting in the couch.-
Oleh,
My thoughts exactly! This is also pretty useful for those of us with chronic conditions to socialize and find others to connect with and possibly even form a relationship with someone.
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I’ve been using online dating sites for some time. I was very surprised that I met really wonderful people. Honestly, I had some kind of stereotype about these services, and I registered there just for fun (… after the divorce).
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Milana, I don’t have personal experience with online dating by my husband’s cousin met his wife on one of these sites. They have been happily married for over 20 years and have had 2 children together. Online dating was fairly new when they met so they often seemed almost embarrassed to share with people their story. Now they happily tell others how they met.
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