After 25 years, I’m still absorbing lessons from chronic illness
My body gives me many warning signals, and sometimes I don't listen to them
When I was in college and my health was in decline with pulmonary hypertension, I had a month when my symptoms became exacerbated. That led to a week of things becoming noticeably worse, which led to a day of increasing worry.
By 9 at night, I felt I had to tell my mom, mainly because I was afraid of what might happen if I went to sleep. My symptoms had been building for a while, and they’d hit the point where I genuinely felt scared for my well-being. Half an hour later, we were in the car and headed to the emergency department (ED).
Throughout my years of chronic illness, I’ve had countless times when I’ve attempted to ignore my body’s warning signs — despite being a typically rational person. I can think of many reasons why. Sometimes it’s been fear of what answers I’ll get. Sometimes it’s because I had too much happening in my life to give those warnings the attention they deserved. And sometimes it was because my symptoms had been worse before, making it hard to worry about anything less severe.
Unfortunately, just as I experienced in college, ignoring my body’s messages can lead to a frightening turning point. That can happen quickly for those of us living within a fragile body. As a result, I’m constantly learning that it’s better to address a problem before it gets out of control.
Back to the emergency department
Just this past week, I ran myself into the same scenario. A symptom that’d been lingering for about a month took a sudden concerning shift, and after a difficult day, I was on that same track back to the ED.
I know it’s an issue I could’ve addressed sooner. But in this case, despite feeling somewhere outside of my baseline, I wasn’t experiencing enough impact on my day-to-day life for me to put forth the proper concern. In my head, this specific issue would work itself out.
This reasoning might sound foolish to some, but I don’t think it’s hard to understand how exhausting it can be to investigate an unfamiliar symptom. Most people in the chronic illness community can attest to being worn down by the repetition of similar scenarios throughout a lifetime.
This situation was no exception. My 32-hour stay in the ED was exhausting, but it led to an answer that didn’t worry me and a reasonably straightforward treatment plan. From my experience, that seems to be how most health issues are resolved. Of course, a symptom in some cases is a sign of a bigger problem than expected. But for the most part, answers can be found, and solutions exist.
It’s frustrating to have to learn this lesson over and over. I sometimes feel it’s unfair that I have to deal with health setbacks at all, which is perhaps another reason why I tend to push myself to the limit. But sitting in the ED the other day, feeling very unwell, the typical thoughts came to mind. Had I waited too long? Would I be in the hospital for the holiday? Did my negligence contribute to the problem?
Fortunately, I’m home now and feeling confident that I’ll improve with the care plan my doctors have put into place. But it’s a sharp reminder that this task of living in a chronically ill body takes a great deal of balance. I try to avoid panic and excess worry, but the lesson I’m constantly relearning is that it’s best not to push things to their breaking point. After all, if I take the initiative to deal with an issue, time has proven that, more often than not, things will be all right.
Note: Pulmonary Hypertension News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Pulmonary Hypertension News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to pulmonary hypertension.
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