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Does Illness Cause You To "Push Away" From Relationships?
I have only had one true relationship in my life and I am still with that person now. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 7 years and we certainly have had our ups and downs, especially when it came to managing my illnesses and being in and out of the hospital as much as I have. I used to be one to “push away” and not want to get involved in relationships because I didn’t want to “burden” or be of any trouble to anyone. All of this changed when I realized that the man I was with wasn’t going to leave me because of my health. If anything, I learned that he was there to help and was there to snap me back to reality and the present moment when I needed it.
I once had so many walls up because of my conditions. I had (and admittedly still have) insecurities surrounding things I can’t do that I KNOW other woman out there can. I know I can’t pack up everything and travel spontaneously, I know I can’t have biological children, I know that there will be more surgeries, more week long hospital stays, and more procedures. I know that my partner could find someone without all of these “extras”. This feeling of inferiority and insecurity is what makes me push away sometimes.
Luckily he has been better at catching when I do this and is always very reassuring. Lately, I have been learning that I am very worthy of the relationship I’m in, even if I have a whole list of “can’ts” .
Do you struggle with feeling inferior/insecure in your relationships? Do you “push away” or create a wall because of your physical illnesses? How do you cope with this in your own relationships? what is helpful for you to get out of this mindset?
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