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Does Illness Cause You To "Push Away" From Relationships?
I have only had one true relationship in my life and I am still with that person now. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 7 years and we certainly have had our ups and downs, especially when it came to managing my illnesses and being in and out of the hospital as much as I have. I used to be one to “push away” and not want to get involved in relationships because I didn’t want to “burden” or be of any trouble to anyone. All of this changed when I realized that the man I was with wasn’t going to leave me because of my health. If anything, I learned that he was there to help and was there to snap me back to reality and the present moment when I needed it.
I once had so many walls up because of my conditions. I had (and admittedly still have) insecurities surrounding things I can’t do that I KNOW other woman out there can. I know I can’t pack up everything and travel spontaneously, I know I can’t have biological children, I know that there will be more surgeries, more week long hospital stays, and more procedures. I know that my partner could find someone without all of these “extras”. This feeling of inferiority and insecurity is what makes me push away sometimes.
Luckily he has been better at catching when I do this and is always very reassuring. Lately, I have been learning that I am very worthy of the relationship I’m in, even if I have a whole list of “can’ts” .
Do you struggle with feeling inferior/insecure in your relationships? Do you “push away” or create a wall because of your physical illnesses? How do you cope with this in your own relationships? what is helpful for you to get out of this mindset?
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2 Replies
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I think because my spouse has known about my health issues from the beginning, it hasn’t caused me to put walls up. He knew, full disclosure from the start and that was helpful. I had some insecurities the first few years about my body because I have a giant open heart surgery scar, gallbladder surgery scars, and so many others. But he says he doesn’t even see them when he looks at me.
When I am having surgeries sometimes it brings us closer, and other times I feel like I have to calm him down and made things “easier” on him which is stressful because I already have enough to think about! Since I have been dealing with this my whole life, surgery doesn’t scare me but it terrifies him.
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Libby,
I can definitely understand the surgery concept. I’m getting a heart surgery on my aorta in May and it is the second major surgery i will be going through with my boyfriend. We have grown a lot since the first one but the thought of surgery definitely still terrifies him. I find that a lot of times I do put on a brave face for those I love to protect their feelings but I also know it’s okay to cry and be upset about it in front of them too. It’s hard to be “tough” for another person when going through so much, but sometimes it can be beneficial for my mental health to be strong for others if I feel like I can’t actually be strong myself. If that makes sense lol.
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