Tagged: dating, finding time, relationships
- This topic has 27 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by Jen Cueva.
June 1, 2021 at 10:55 am #30358
Dating is not easy for anyone. Throw in PH, and it complicates things a bit more.
Rather you are married or single and dating, date-time is important. We need that connection and time together with our significant others.
In my most recent column, I write about dating in honor of Date Your Mate Month in May. Have you heard of this? This year was my first to know about this. Our column’s lead shares awareness dates with us, and they are some things that I must say are new to me.
But this one caught my eye; I am all about a date with my hubby, Manny. Dating, as I write about, does not have to be fancy. So, give it a read, and let’s talk about dating and how you can be more intentional with dating.
Both caregivers and those of us with PH need this reminder. So, are you planning a date soon? If so, what will you do?
June 1, 2021 at 2:40 pm #30369
My last date was a fake-out / take-out for our anniversary in May. You mention Starbucks and drives in your column. This was a favorite of ours especially when the boys where little. They would often fall asleep and we would enjoy quiet conversations, the weather and the scenery.
Date nights once Cullen was diagnosed with PH and placed on IV Flolan became a lot more complicated. We never wandered too far from home. One date I will never forget…my parents were watching the boys and we went to Applebees which is about 3 minutes from our house. Just as the food was coming out Cullen called in a panic. His Flolan pump wouldn’t stop alarming after trying all the trouble shooting tricks he knew how to do. It meant he wasn’t getting his medicine.
We had to tell the waitress we had an emergency. Brian quickly paid, we asked her to box the food and we would be back for it later.
We had to switch pumps and call Accredo for a replacement on the other one. It of course chose date night to go bonkers.
LOVE the picture of you and Manny in your column! You are such an adorable couple!
June 2, 2021 at 11:13 am #30374
Wow, @colleensteele, I can only imagine the panic when you had that call from Cullen. Was it difficult for you both to leave him after that? I bet the date nights were few and far between for you and Brian.
Do you find that it is a bit easier for you both as Cullen is older and post-transplant? I would guess that, like all moms, we still worry about our kids. Post-transplant would add to that worry.
Wow, you should write a column about that experience, as I know many other caregivers struggle to find time to date. When they do, they are always on alert.
Starbucks and drivers and long talks are often the best at night. Yes, when KK was little, I remember the same. Although, not so sure we had Starbucks then, or maybe I was not an SBUX addict yet, lol.
Take out-fake-outs are fun unless you are drained.
Thanks for your kind words; I felt like I was bloated, so I almost left the pics of us out, hehe.
June 2, 2021 at 4:41 pm #30386
@jenc every emergency takes it’s toll but we also were use to experiencing them…in fact, just always expected they would happen. There were other date nights, not many and we were never gone for long, but we tried occasionally. It was my parents I felt sorry for. They were really upset when we got home.
April 19, 2022 at 1:06 pm #34009
This is an older post, but I think we must make time for date night with our loved ones. Too often dealing with the complications of balancing PH and other health conditions, we neglect to take these times out. Last Friday night, Manny took me out to have sushi. He usually is not a huge fan, but he had been craving it. So, this was a win-win for us both.
We made it a date night and went early. I enjoyed a few different sushi rolls with him and was so full. We had food leftover. I should have done without the small salad and stuck with the sushi. We did use low sodium soy sauce, and I added a tiny bit of wasabi. I never realized that wasabi also has sodium.
When was the last time you had a date night? You don’t need to go out. We’ve had a date night making dinner, watching a movie, and ordering takeout.
April 19, 2022 at 6:39 pm #34022Anonymous
Our last ‘date night’ was simple: getting dinner at a little outdoor taco stand near our home. It was just getting dark and the owners had a fire pit burning out front surrounded with chairs. Susie and I sat around the warm fire as we waited for our order, chatting and enjoying the quiet of the cool evening. Soon other customers pulled up and joined us around the fire, and we introduced ourselves to each other and made new friends. Date night doesn’t have to be extravagant, just spending time together is important.
I’m glad to learn that May is ‘Date Your Mate’ month, as we will be celebrating Susie’s birthday and our wedding anniversary with a much-needed trip to the coast.
April 20, 2022 at 12:20 am #34027
@pmam2009 your ‘taco stand’ date night sounds perfect! My husband and I have always been a keep it simple kind of couple. Sitting around a fire, eating good food and making new friends sounds like a night to remember. Thank you for sharing!
Wishing you and Susie a wonderful May filled with happy celebrations! My husband and I will celebrate our 27th anniversary on May 6th. We will probably order from our favorite restaurant (Jen knows which one) and watch a movie. Your trip to the coast sounds lovely. How long will you be there?
April 21, 2022 at 2:25 pm #34069Anonymous
Colleen, thanks for your kind words and congrats on your upcoming 27th anniversary! We are planning at least 3 nights away and may just head up the coast to explore and extend our stay by a few more days. Depends how we feel after the first 3 days. LOL!
April 21, 2022 at 9:16 pm #34081
Well @pmam2009 those plans sound perfect to me. Enjoy!
May 6, 2022 at 10:58 am #34276
Happy 27th Anniversary to you and Brian today, @colleensteele! That’s such a huge milestone, and I know you have been through your struggles. PH takes a toll on the family; that’s a definite. I hope that y’all enjoy a lovely Italian dinner. Will you be going out or ordering in tonight? Enjoy; you both deserve it; maybe add a glass of wine or two! <3
Hi @pmam2009, I hope you and Susie enjoy your anniversary and her birthday this month along the coast. Best wishes to you both.
May 6, 2022 at 3:26 pm #34289
It was sweet of you to remember @jenc. Thank you! We will be ordering in and I agree, a glass of wine sounds good too!
May 9, 2022 at 11:59 am #34297
I hope that the yummy seafood Italian meal and glass of wine were enjoyable! What does Brian like to get there? Did you mention he doesn’t like seafood once?
May 9, 2022 at 6:18 pm #34308
@jenc they say opposites attract – Brian and I are an example of that, but something we do have in common is we both LOVE seafood!
He always gets the CIOPPINO
Tomato-based seafood stew with shrimp, clams, scallops, salmon, cod and Dungeness crab, with roasted garlic, fresh thyme and a pinch of pepper flakes. Served with grilled bread
As much as I love my scallops I’m thinking for trying his favorite next time.
May 11, 2022 at 10:41 am #34324
Yummy, @colleensteele, both dishes sound good, and yeah, I know it’s breakfast time as I’m typing this. Is it ever too early for Italian seafood?
I enjoy Cioppino, too. I’ve tried making one a few times. But I prefer the restaurants’ versions and some nice crusty breast. MMM
Aww, this may need to be my next date night plan. I never know what I want to eat when it’s time, but I have many ideas that sound good all day long. Hehe.
KK is staying at our place this week, so I’ve made Salmon one night, Tostados another (a request), and Manny has made steak. They both have wanted IN-N-Out Burgers, but it’s not my fave. But I’m sure we will have it tonight or tomorrow night.
April 20, 2022 at 2:09 pm #34041
Hi @pmam2009, I love your taco stand date night! Living in San Diego, there are taco stands galore. But we have. a few favorite ones. One sounds similar to the one you mentioned that you and Susie went to. It’s on the beach and only offers outdoor seating. They have heaters and no firepit, though. This will probably be our next date night.
Congrats on your anniversary next month, and Happy Birthday to your lovely Susie! Your coast trip sounds relaxing. Where exactly are y’all going?
I look forward to hearing more once y’all return.
@colleensteele, I bet that’s your favorite Italian place with that seafood dish you always enjoy so well. I love that y’all have that tradition. Your anniversary is on Mother’s Day weekend; I don’t know why I didn’t remember that—wishing you and Brian best wishes and congrats on 27 years!
April 20, 2022 at 6:05 pm #34046
@jenc as I know you would, you guessed right! I always order the Scallops Tuaca and their cannoli’s are to die for! We love that the restaurant is only minutes from our home. We go there only for special occasions which makes those occasions more special!
April 21, 2022 at 12:09 pm #34061
OMG, @colleensteele, you’re making me hungry, and it’s only 10 AM.
Will you and brian go in person this year to celebrate or order takeout? It’s great that it’s also near your home. A small family-run Italian eatery near us is on my “to-eat” list. I may have more things on this list than my “to-do” task list, LOL.
April 21, 2022 at 2:30 pm #34073Anonymous
Hi Jen and thank you! We will be starting in the Morro Bay/Avila Beach area then head up Pacific Coast Highway to San Simeon and visit Hearst Castle. Hopefully we will have the energy to continue up PCH and explore more of the coast.
April 22, 2022 at 2:34 pm #34094
Oh, @pmam2009, that sounds like a beautiful and romantic trip. I love PCH and hope to one day venture up North along that route, too. I wish you and Susie all the extra spoons for that few days and for both of you to have “good” days to enjoy your lovely trip. We will be waiting to hear more once you return.
Enjoy a lovely relaxing weekend, Perry. I may find a taco stand this weekend, thanks to you. Hehe
April 20, 2022 at 9:52 am #34032kyParticipant
A lot has changed with dates since my husband was diagnosed with PAH, not in a bad way just modified .. we were all about hiking, rock climbing and repelling date nights.. Now we often go for drives up the mountain, my favorite is to pack a bottle of wine, grab sushi to go and sit on a cliff for dinner and watch the sunset, or skip food and just dangle our feet over the edge!
We both love the outdoors and just driving up and tossing a hammock somewhere peaceful next to the stream is very rewarding .. highly recommend snuggling your boo in a hammock outdoors, even if it’s just in your own yard!
Camping modifications: Bryan cannot handle the smoke from a regular fires anymore so we got a small propane fire pit that we can put in the back of the truck and take with us… it’s perfect for insta-heat and there’s no smoke.. win win although I do occasionally have to replace the lava rock because it spills or the kids drip marshmallows on it (completely worth every penny)! We also got a small trailer and hooked it up with solar and extra batteries so we can run his oxygen all night without hook ups or running a generator. Having a trailer is also nice because we can keep it stacked packed and basically ready to roll for if/when my hubby feels up for it, its just turn on the fridge and grab a few items and we are off to the mountains! … unfortunately a lot of our favorite spots are a bit high elevation so we have drive further south to lower elevations to then go up a mountain, but we have found some little sweet spots not much different in elevation than our very own home.
One of our little guilty pleasures is finding small towns with quaint little shops to explore… we will wonder around a little main street and pop in and out of the little gift shops for an entire afternoon and then look for a little cafe or interesting restaurant. We have done this as a day trip or an overnight… such silly fun but very enjoyable.
We still try to hike once in a while at a very slow pace with lots and lots of stops and I usually carry the water and even wear my husbands inogen backpack so he has absolutely no weight, we always joke about it being his leash so he doesn’t wander off the trail and I take a ball to toss the dogs to keep them occupied during rest stops. One of our favorite date nights was having our son drop us off at the top of the mountain and we hiked down… going down hill isn’t as strenuous and Bryan was able to maintain fairly good pace, I am absolutely amazed with all he still does and I am just happy we can still enjoy the things that made us fall in love in the first place! I hope you all find the modifications that work for you and your life changes whatever they may be.
April 20, 2022 at 6:14 pm #34047
@kygon I love every bit of this! Through example you have provided hope for others in this forum that date night can be special even when you have PH. You shared so many fabulous tips on how PH nature lovers can safely enjoy the outdoors. You and your husband have a great attitude and obviously a beautiful relationship.
April 20, 2022 at 6:47 pm #34048kyParticipant
Colleen Thank you for your continuous support! You too share examples in every aspect and I truly appreciate all the time and effort you and Jen put into this site as support and hope. And I truly hope others can benefit from our experience and find new ways to adore the outdoors! Love and light to you all and your families!
April 21, 2022 at 12:17 pm #34062
Aww, @kygon, your modified dates sound perfect to me. Funny, I can Manny, Boo. Snuggling in a hammock on a fluffy blanket near some water is relaxing. I think that’s why I love the beach. I do hope to travel more to the mountains since moving to CA. Your trailer sounds perfect. What kind is it, if you don’t mind me asking? We’re always looking for things to modify trips and something that I can do more. My E-bike was one of my favorites so far.
The small quaint mountainous towns are calling my name. On our way home on Saturday, we went through Jullian, Ca. It’s only about 40 minutes from us. But they have apple picking in the fall, and I love fall. The small town has many old stores, bakeries, eateries, and wineries. We will venture back that way for a day trip soon.
Your dates sound so romantic, and I can feel the love that you and Bryan(sorry I misspelled it on another post) share; such a lovely sight. PH can take a toll, and it sounds like you two have found ways to continue your love despite PH. Heartwarming to read!
Thanks for your thoughtful words and your vast contributions to the forums. Others will benefit from reading your post.
May 13, 2022 at 5:03 pm #34366RandyParticipant
This is not necessarily about dating with COPD PH or PAH, just partner dating in general.
Many years ago, probably 25-30 by now I came to the realization that while I was “getting away” while working, my wife was basically “stuck at home” with not much social interaction. So, I devised a plan whereby every Friday after work I would take her to dinner at a nice restaurant or some activity. This worked well for a couple of months and I realize two things: I was running out of ideas and I didn’t know the types of places that she wanted to attend. Well I had a few basic clues, but I didn’t KNOW.
I changed the plan. I put her in the driver’s seat and told her she got to decide what we would for that night and that we would switch turns on a weekly basis. She settled herself in the driver’s seat, turned to me and said. “Where do you want to go?” That wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, so I explained that when it became her “turn to drive”, that she was in charge; whatever she decided to do for her turn was just fine, no disagreements, or discussion. When she was in charge she was responsible for arranging whatever activity we were going to do, make arrangements for transportation and pay for whatever we did (we have a joint account) but the actual settling of the bill was part of her responsibilities. It took a couple of months before she finally realized how serious I was in spite of her needling and asking about what I liked or where I wanted to go or what food I was interested in. My favorite phrase, when she wants some hints, that she has come to loath, is. “You’re driving, you decide.”
One thing that makes it more interesting is that whatever plans she or I make, they are usually kept close to the vest. We also sometimes try to disguise our destination by taking a somewhat circuitous route to get to the destination and occasionally dropping a ‘red herring’ or two.
Long story about one experience. My turn to drive and we live in a little community outside of Idaho Falls, Idaho. I start by getting on I-15 and head north, then change to highway 20 headed towards Rexburg (her hometown where we sometimes go), I drove past Ucon, Idaho home of the “Rusty Lantern” and follow highway 20 around Rexburg and change to highway 33 at Sugar City headed toward Driggs. As we are passing through Driggs, I with a little panic ask where “Pierre’s Playhouse” is (an old melodrama theatre). My wife informs me that we had just passed it. I responded that it was ok because we weren’t going there anyway. We had driven almost a hundred miles for an hour-and-a-half and we weren’t stopping! I continued driving on highway 33 for another half hour and 35 miles and approached Wilson Wyoming whereupon I asked my wife if she knew where the turnoff was to the “Bar J Wranglers” (a singing cowboys comedy theater). She told me that it was around there somewhere, and I responded with it was ok because we weren’t going there either. We had driven for two hours and over a hundred miles and passed several of our favorite haunts along the way, finally I end up on the East side of Jackson Hole and spent the evening at a chuckwagon ride and dinner in the canyon east of Jackson. I think that was the most deceptive ride we’ve been on.
The point of all this is, it’s usually a surprise, and NOBODY complains. We have been to some interesting places, some we have revisited and some we have vowed to never go to again.
May 16, 2022 at 12:03 pm #34377
Hi @ardyyurtyahoo-com, how have you been? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you pop in the forums. Are you still taking your CCB for PH?
I must say, I love surprises as long as I know what the dress code may be, and if there is one, LOL, I think I should try and play this “destination date drive” with my hubby, Manny. I enjoy finding new places to go and see. But like your wife. I am often indecisive and tell him whatever sounds good to him. Well, unless I’m craving something particular.
The area surrounding you in Idaho Falls sounds like it would make for some lovely outings. I already have many places within a few hours’ drive near San Diego that I want to visit.
I’m most impressed that this destination date drive game continues after many years. That’s incredible, my PHriend. An excellent way to keep that date night going. How long have you been married?
Thanks so much for sharing such a fun post. I felt like I was on an adventure as I read your descriptives.
May 16, 2022 at 4:49 pm #34385
@ardyyurtyahoo-com I was so invested in reading your post! I enjoyed hearing about how your date nights have evolved between 30 years ago to now. I’m sure your wife appreciates what a thoughtful husband you are. I hope you will share future date night adventures with us like the chuckwagon surprise!
June 23, 2022 at 1:02 pm #34820
I wanted to share this one again and see if anyone has had a date night lately. It seems we often neglect these things when we are dealing with PH.
When was the last date night you’ve had? This can be at home or out someplace. Sunday for Father’s Day, Manny picked a small taco spot he had wanted to check out for his Father’s Day meal. It was small, and we did take it out to the beach. It was a small place in Encinitas. We took our food and drinks to Moonlight Beach and enjoyed it there. That was considered a date, although it was a day date.
What about our members who have others at home and small children. When was your last date night?
March 23, 2023 at 11:43 am #37808
When was your last Date Night with your significant other? If it’s been too long, maybe you need to make time to schedule one soon. It doesn’t have to be anything significant. I enjoy Take out Fake outs at home when we make a takeout meal that we enjoy together and then maybe watch a movie as we cuddle on the couch. This usually ends in one, not both, of us falling asleep.
For our single members, do you ever take yourself out on a date? I have a good friend who has been single at times, and she would take herself to lunch, a movie, and coffee dates.
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