This topic contains 28 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Jen Cueva 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #20131
     Jen Cueva 
    Participant

    Friday, I had a rough day emotionally and physically. I ended up on the couch and in bed the rest of Friday and all day yesterday. These days ended up as what I refer to as “PJ” days. I do not mind having PJ days but I do not want them to take over my week. Don’t get me wrong, I love comfy PJs and fuzzy socks.

    Do y’all get dressed every day? I know some say, if we are awake, we should get dressed. I tend to have about 2-3 PJ days most weeks. I feel some weeks, it may be more or less.

    I also started to be OK if I stayed in my PJs. One, it means less laundry and two, why not be comfy if I am not leaving my house.

    What are your thoughts on PJ days? Lounge clothes work, too.

  • #20137
     Ally 
    Participant

    Definitely Jen if I don’t leave the house I wear boxers and T-shirt’s. I gotta be comfortable

    • #20152
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      Thanks for sharing, Ally. Boxers and t-shirts are common for me at least one day per week. I love comfy clothes and pjs.

  • #20141
     Brittany Foster 
    Keymaster

    The majority of my outfits on an everyday basis are leggings (mostly because of my stomach pain and feeding tubes. Jeans are just a BIG no no for me. If I were to wear jeans it would be the jeggings that are fitting more like a legging but still have a button and zipper. When I go out out, I like to dress up leggings with a cute longer shirt or cute dress to go over it or just wear a comfy loose fitting dress. I try not to stay in my pajamas while working from home but I definitely don’t put on makeup every day. I will wear mascara if I feel up to it. But that’s the extent of it. I am definitely not going to be a fashion blogger anytime soon, although I follow a lot of them and save cute outfits on my pinterest board. I give myself an A for effort!

    • #20153
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      Brittany, thanks for the laugh this morning. Hehe

      I am currently wearing leggings and a long t-shirt with flip flops. As you mention, this is often my attire. Some days, I need to wear my jeans just to be sure they still fit, LOL

      I also have saved a ton of cute outfits on Pinterest. I love looking at what is currently fashionable. But, I want to be comfy, too. Plus, I never think they look cute on me. It never seems to look like the pic, even when I buy each item shown. Certainly not planning to win any beauty pageants.

      Today, I also have on face powder and mascara, which is my minimum for makeup. After the last two days, I felt that I needed to get somewhat dressed. Hehe

      • #20155
         Brittany Foster 
        Keymaster

        Jen,
        I don’t know about you, but I definitely feel slightly more energetic when I put on an outfit even if it includes wearing leggings and throw on a little mascara or something. Even if the makeup hides the tiredness, seeing myself in a better light and looking “better” even if it’s forced helps me mentally and physically.

      • #20163
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        So true, Brittany! I always say, even if I don’t feel good, I can look good. Well, look better, LOL

        It certainly can lift me mentally as well as physically.

  • #20166
     Colleen Steele 
    Keymaster

    Well, it’s almost noon and I’m still in my PJ’s. I really want to lie and tell you I don’t make a habit of this, but I do. I like wearing loose fitting, comfy summer PJ’s when I’m doing housework. This is also my creative wear…when I’m writing my column I do my best work in PJ’s and with a cup of coffee.

    However, @brittany-foster touched on something I was going to say. I’ve heard quotes and read self-improvement books that highly recommend no matter what is on your agenda for the day, get dressed and put on a little make-up. The theory is it will make you feel better. Don’t get dressed and put on make-up just because someone might see you, do it for yourself.

    Personally, I have found a lot of truth in this. Especially if I’m not feeling well or feeling down about something, if I get dressed and put on a little make-up it seems to revive me.

    I’ve also heard it said that you can tell the difference between parents who are at the hospital for just an appointment with their child, and those who have been living there with their child. I felt guilty the first time I heard this because no matter what was going on, I would try to get up every morning, put on fresh clothes, brush my hair and teeth and put on a little make-up. It wasn’t out of vanity, it was because I could think clearer and feel more attentive to my child when I picked myself up and dusted myself off every morning.

    I strayed from topic though….Nothing wrong with Pajama Days. I LOVE my PJ’s…I just make an effort to fight the temptation to make every day, PJ day.

    • #20186
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Colleen,
      I totally get it and understand where the self improvement books are coming from when they say this. It makes a difference. When I am really not feeling well though I just have my pajamas and don’t care about putting on any make up. This is also a way for others to see that there is something going on because I actually DO look like I am a vampire in need of blood or something haha!

      • #20223
         Colleen Steele 
        Keymaster

        Trust me, I am not anti-pajama wearing! I think they fit right in with self advocating and allowing yourself the rest and comfort that you require. Where the self-help suggestions come in handy for me is at times when I find myself in a slump. I think it happens to all of us once in a while. No where to go, what’s the point in getting dressed and personally if I think that way for too long I start to get depressed. If I’m sick though, you bet I’m going to be in my PJ’s and I dare anyone to question me on it. LOL!

    • #20192
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      Good morning, Colleen. I love that you enjoy your comfy PJs. Often, Monday is a PJ day for me, LOL

      I also can understand where those self-help books are coming from. I do that quite often. But as you and Brittany both mention, if I want to be comfy in my PJs or lounge clothes, I “just do it”. Hehe

      I love the part about you, “ dusting yourself off” and focusing on your son while at the hospital. We all need this “dusting” some days.

      Thanks, for sharing. I, too agree as Brittany says, some days I look “sick” although I prefer the alternative. I rarely go anywhere without trying to look “more normal”.

      Today is a new day. I am about to get dressed to look normal as I have 2 appointments. Y’all have a great day. I hope to catch up later. Hugs <3

      • #20196
         Brittany Foster 
        Keymaster

        Good luck with your appointments today, Jen! I have two appointments today as well. I have one in about an hour with my pacemaker doctor who wanted to see me in person even though I just saw the NP a month ago (a bit unusual to have appts so close to each other so I’m a little taken back) . I also have an appt with my therapist (we all know I need it hahaha!) But let us know how your appointments go today too and keep us updated. I’ll be sure to report back too. Feel free to text me and let me know how it all goes too!

      • #20238
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        Thanks, Brittany and Colleen. I made it through both. I’m tired but good.

        Brittany, I hope that your pacemaker appointment went well. It sounded unexpected. Text me if you want to update me.

        I’m glad that you saw your Therapist. I go tomorrow for that LOL. I need it, too.

        Thanks to you both for the support and kind words. I appreciate y’all.

      • #20226
         Colleen Steele 
        Keymaster

        @jenc good luck with your appointments! I know you have been having some off days and I hope you are feeling a little better.

  • #20198
     V.R. Peterson 
    Participant

    I have to confess that I used to have pajama days quite frequently. I also have to confess that those days stopped after my husband retired. Now I get dressed so he doesn’t think I’m lazy (which I’m not — I still did a full day’s worth of “homemaking”, even when I was in my pj’s).

    • #20210
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Wow! You’re definitely more motivated than I am when it comes to the homemaking part. Speaking of, I need to defrost some chicken to cook up for the week haha! My homemaking skills are seriously lacking.

    • #20240
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      @mamabear007, you made me laugh. I think it’s great that you are getting dressed and doing all the homemaking things. I didn’t accomplish much of any in that area today.

      Are you a big cook? Or do you prefer cleaning and those things? I prefer cooking over cleaning, lol

      I still think you should have one day per week for PJs. I’m guessing your hubby gets dressed every day as well?

      • #20243
         V.R. Peterson 
        Participant

        @jenc, I love to cook, but cleaning isn’t my favorite thing to do. I’d much rather be knitting. I can do that all day (and often do). Yes, hubby gets dress every day, even his shoes. I don’t wear shoes unless I have to go outside — and that’s only because I live in the middle of a 5-acre field, and there’s no stepping outside without stepping on thorns and stickers. Def need shoes for that.

      • #20248
         Brittany Foster 
        Keymaster

        Definitely not a big cleaning person at all ! But I do like cooking when I have the energy for it. When I cook I try to make healthier meals and meals that my boyfriend can have the next day for leftovers so I end up only having to cook a few days week haha! I have been slacking on the cooking front lately because I just haven’t had much energy for it and also can’t really eat what I cook so it’s kind of a big tease. But if he is hungry then I try to have something for him or make him something when he is home from work since he works all day. I know if I ever have kids that will be a different story because there’s really no question as to whether or not anyone is hungry enough for dinner haha!

      • #20252
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        V.R., too funny, I like cooking too versus the cleaning. My hubby is good at that part when he is off, LOL

        OMG, my hubby also gets dressed, including shoes every day. I find either slippers, fuzzy socks, or flip flops work for me around the house. I am not a fan of shoes but I do not usually go barefoot. Five acres, you can do anything you want out there, Hehe

        Brittany, I am sure it is tough to cook when you cannot eat it. Especially if it is something you enjoy. I have not been dong as much cooking since we returned from vacation. I usually make a meal plan and try and follow it for the week. I usually cook 3-4 days per week, more if I am up to it. Next week I will DO better. LOL

  • #20202
     Beth Tebaldi 
    Participant

    Oh hurray, for pj days! I used to fight these days. I used to feel guilty, now I’ve come to enjoy them. I truly have made friends with pj days! LOL
    M sleep patterns have me awaking around 11:00 am, so many times I’m in my pjs until 2:00 pm.
    I allow myself to start my day slowly, somehow with I feel better physically and mentally if I go slow; and I mean s.l.o.w.
    I usually almost always eventually get dressed but it’s sround 3 in the afternoon. Matter of fact you just made me realize I need to invest in more pjs!
    I used to awake, throw on clothes, read shorts and t-shirts, and get my day kind of started. But I found within an hour I was nodding off in my wheel chair on the back patio with my bird friends!
    My sleep is usually interrupted with a few wakeful times at night. This too I felt was a no-no, for some stupid reason. And NO I don’t know the reason.
    Now I truly finally think I may have reached some acceptance with this also. Because of those wakeful periods at night it does take a long time to be productive. But truly it’s ok. I’d rather be in pjs and wake slowly, nodding off for an hour then awake for 20 minutes and then nodding off again until my body finally says, ok it’s time to shine. I’m just done with fighting my body! It is what it is. Pjs or not I am relaxing a lot during the day. I’m so much more gentle with myself at 56 then I was at 36!
    There is something: maybe some freedom, or contentment in listening to what I need, you know? Imagine if I had a young one again and the child had an incurable disease; would I push her to get dressed, get up, put “Day-time” clothes on. Nope, so I don’t do that to myself.
    This is my new normal and to be honest living this way makes my life quite peaceful, fulfilled,and joyful. I don’t feel sadness or lose anymore, well usually, haha .
    Life is good. Life truly is good.

    • #20211
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Beth,
      there’s definitely some freedom that comes along with listening to your body’s needs that’s for sure. It takes me a long time to listen to what my body wants and I often find myself trying to fight against that, but when the body needs to go slowly then we need to listen to that. At least you DO wake yourself up every day and find some ways to stay motivated no matter how “slow” you go. I am lucky enough to find motivation from my online job and these forums to start my day earlier rather than later. I’m more of a morning person but get pretty tired easily as the day goes on, especially as the week goes on too.

  • #20225
     Colleen Steele 
    Keymaster

    @tonysnug your comment, “If I had a young one again and the child had an incurable disease; would I push her to get dressed, get up, put “Day-time” clothes on. Nope, so I don’t do that to myself,” really got my attention! That is an excellent point that you have made! I always allowed my son to move at his own pace and it should be no different for adult PH patients. It sounds like you are doing an excellent job listening to your body and maintaining a healthy approach to life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!

  • #20231
     Beth Tebaldi 
    Participant

    Oh you’re so sweet to tell me my thoughts touched you. Thank you!
    I thank my husband for years of growth our whole marriage but especially during this journey. Every time I apologize for sleeping late on a weekend he always says it is no big deal or you don’t need to apologize. When I come to him with worries that I may be effecting his weekend and I’m tempted to be upset about needing extra sleep, he reminds me that it’s been like this for ten years, it is what it is and obviously I need the sleep.
    He’s never ever been anything but patient and kind but always sees my inabilities as a new norma for us ( we used to be fishing buddies on our boat, archery competitors in the desert real-life-like competitions.
    It’s always been a journey we are in together, not my illness. I’m sure his attitude of gentleness with me has rubbed off on me.
    I commend you for being so gentle with your son Colleen! I have four grown children and I remember the years patience commanded me to love them all the more. But it isn’t always easy, I certainly wasn’t a role model for motherhood. I love my children with a love only mothers know but raising them I was an undiagnosed bipolar sufferor with P.T.S.D. and I portrayed a lot of things I can’t write about because I feel such pain for my kids.
    It must be a real battle for you not to get impatient with things at times or scores of other attitudes that we all wouldn’t be proud of, or maybe you have a good patient attitude. I try not to blame myself because bipolar illness can change a person into a raging bull. It wasn’t my fault but I still feel their pain. I wish so badly I had been diagnosed sooner. Bipolars usually go 10 years before they get a true diagnosis and correct medication and then hopefully begin to start the journey into remission.
    Your son is extremely fortunate.

    I try to remember, it is what it is, life is a journey,but don’t you find at times it takes hindsight to appreciate the journey because we are in the thick of drs, tests procedures and , oh please never again, your dr retires!!
    Have a great rest of your day.
    I will live vicariously through you and enjoy listening to the live between you and your son.

    • #20239
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Beth,
      Thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to share that here. I know it must be hard for you to recall difficult parts of your life, especially having to do with mental illness. I have anxiety and depression and usually flip flop between the two quite often. It was never as bad as it has been with most of my recent health struggles and I try to remind myself that none of it is my fault. You’re right that we can really start to get caught up with all the appointments and tests and procedures that sometimes we forget to pause. I have had to hit the reset button a lot lately and just need a few weeks break from medical procedures and traveling to appointments. It really does start to take a toll both mentally and physically, especially when battling with underlying mental health conditions to begin with.

    • #20241
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      Beth, thanks for opening up and sharing with us. I hope that you can find some comfort here. It’s difficult to talk about the hard times in our pasts.

      As you mention, bipolar often goes undiagnosed for years. I am happy to hear that you are diagnosed and hopefully working on this with your medical team. I’m sure it’s difficult and learning to take it slow is important. Taking the time to listen to our bodies is so important, too.

      It sounds like you have an amazingly supportive husband. Learning to not feel guilty about our health takes time. Having such a supportive partner certainly helps with this journey.

  • #20232
     Margie Novak 
    Participant

    Some days can be very hard. For me, I have to make most of my appts for the afternoon because mornings are difficult to get up and get going with oxygen, especially if I do not sleep well. I don’t like to stay in my pajamas because if someone should stop at the house (delivery people or family)I would have to hurry and get dressed. So I have found some comfortable slip over dresses that I wear (cotton) not fancy but comfortable. Knee length I could wear out in public but don’t. That way I feel like I am getting dressed at least. Now, wearing a bra is a different story. I don’t know about other women but wearing a bra makes it difficult to breathe so… I may not put that one everyday! Also, haven’t worn “full make-up” for I don’t know how long! Hang in there everyone!!

    • #20237
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Margie,
      I love my comfortable dresses that I can just throw on. You’re right that it makes you feel like you got dressed and it’s also a heck of a lot more comfortable than wearing pants with a button (YUCK I hate wearing pants LOL) I always just resort to leggings and an oversized sweater dress or long shirt in the cooler months and it’s comfortable and looks somewhat fashionable too.

      I’m totally with you on the no bra thing ! I always found it difficult to wear bras, not just because of my breathing but because of my sternum that juts out after my open heart surgery I had as a little kid. The bone in my chest just never formed correctly after that and I can’t wear anything with an underwire at all. Especially after my recent thoracotomy. I’m actually blessed that I don’t have much bigger boobs than I do haha! I wear bandeau that just strap them down or sports bras. Platex also makes a good brand of bra without any underwire and it still gives good support. No buckles on the traps either which I LOVE!

    • #20242
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      @margie-novak, you made me giggle as I just tossed off my bra. It was the first to come off when I returned from my appointments.

      I agree that comfy dresses are simple and I have quite a few. I would love to not need a bra to hold my boobs up. That’s the plus on PJ days, Hehe.

      Thanks for sharing.

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