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    • #24249
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      What better time than now to Unite?

      Living with PH for 15 years, “I have come to know many in the PH community. Unfortunately, in addition to the phenomenal support I have seen, I also have witnessed a few who are unkind to others.”  – I have experienced this more times than I would like to. My column this week is about this and discusses how we can all practice kindness and offer compassion.

      Have you experienced someone being unkind or downright rude to you within the PH community? If so, how did you handle it? How did it make you feel?  Or, maybe you watched this from the outside, if so, how did you approach this? I would like to hear your thoughts here and how we can better Unite within the PH community and even in our local communities.

       

    • #24254
      Brittany Foster
      Keymaster

      Hi @jenc I am lucky that I haven’t come across a lot of unkindness. Sometimes it can be hard to be a part of a chronic illness group. I find myself comparing sometimes and thinking in my head “I’m not as bad as…..” It makes me feel like I need to constantly be grateful for something, even on really hard days. Sometimes that feels pretty heavy to carry around with me. That feeling like I always should be grateful because someone out there has it worse. I think it’s important to give myself the compassion and care that I need, even if it’s not as bad as someone else’s bad time.

    • #24279
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      @brittany-foster, we certainly should offer compassion and empathy to ourselves, too. I’m grateful that I haven’t seen a ton, but just knowing that exists hurts my heart. I agree with you that it is difficult at times, being a part of a rare disease or chronic illness group.

      Fortunately, I’m grateful that the phenomenal hope has been much more often than unkindness. That being said, it continues to happen.

      We aren’t immune to having bad attitudes at times, I guess, lol

      This group here in the forums has been nothing but supportive and kind.

    • #24303
      Brittany Foster
      Keymaster

      I agree, Jen. @jenc we all have our bad days and attitudes and that’s okay. It is hurtful to take this out on others. I have had to remind myself of that many times. I don’t release a lot of anger or built up frustration in the social media community, I save that for home and sometimes my bf gets the bad end of that ! I usually am good at stopping myself in these moments and he has always called me out when I am doing it which I’m actually grateful for because it allows me to self reflect and see things in myself that I may not have noticed I was even doing.

    • #24313
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      Oh @Brittany, I also tend to release my anger at home. Sadly, often this means that my hubby gets the worst of me. I am working on this with my therapist. Thank God for therapy, right?

      My hubby also calls me out, and he knows this happens more when I am exhausted or in the worst pain. Does your BF notice this is usually when you tend to do this more?

    • #24337
      Brittany Foster
      Keymaster

      @jenc oh yes, this is definitely something that I can work on. I need to be more vocal about what is going on instead of hiding it and then having him say something like “what did something happen today with your appointments?” and getting angry and upset about it before actually talking about it with me. I usually am the first one to snap, but we both don’t take crap from each other LOL . It helps when people point it out, but sometimes it can be done in a calmer and more supportive way so my anger doesn’t escalate. This takes a lot of self discipline though to bite your tongue is situations like this. I’m known to hold things in and then fly off the handle!

    • #24358
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      @brittany-foster, this does take time and for us often to bite our tongues in some instances. Anger can escalate so fast if we do not “nip it in the butt.”

      For me, I find that he has more anger than I do. He was in the Navy, so his PTSD, along with mine, can be difficult. Therapy helps, but this is another work in progress. I find that I am much more vocal than my pre-PH days. Before, I was quite and usually gave him the “silent treatment.” Now, I cannot keep my mouth shut some days. -Hehe

    • #24369
      Brittany Foster
      Keymaster

      @jenc I totally get what you mean! I think there is so much pressure out there about finding the “perfect person” that people tend to get caught up in that idea. Relationships are far from perfect and dealing with their own problems on top of ours can just be too much to handle sometimes and I totally get this. I like talking about relationships because it brings an honest view that nobody’s relationship is flowers and roses all the time. It takes work for sure! But well worth it 🙂

    • #24372
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      Oh, well, we see the “perfect couple” on social media, but they often lead separate lives at home. My hubby is my rock, and I love him more than I can explain. But, we all have issues, just some more than others, as my daddy would say. Hehe

      It is important to know that we can have a healthy relationship, which is not perfect. There is no fairytale lifestyle outside of social media. We have argued. As @colleensteele shared in her column, ” we still argue”- that is exactly what people need to read. We can enjoy our families and argue at the same time. Does that make sense?

    • #24390
      Brittany Foster
      Keymaster

      @jenc what you and @colleensteele said really makes complete sense to me! It’s important to know that you can still be happy but have arguments and disagreements. There is such a pressure that comes with building relationships of the picture perfect couple or perfect person, but believe me we all have our flaws! (Like you said, some more than others LOL) But if it is worth it and if that person is worth it, you find ways to work through them. That is important.

    • #24398
      Jen Cueva
      Moderator

      That is the most important part, @brittany-foster. When you find someone who is worth it, and you love, you work on building that relationship. Being married for 25+ years, I continue to work on my relationship. No relationship comes “ready to go” or “curbside” as we all are used to now. Relationships take work and dedication from all involved. This goes with any relationship, wouldn’t y’all agree?

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