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Let’s Discuss Anger Management
We have discussed depression and the many emotions that stem from it, but what about anger? Has anger been an issue for you at all and if so, did you seek help from a therapist? Medications can also trigger feelings of anger and sometimes make them difficult to control. Is that something you have ever experienced?
Anger is something that my son has struggled with in the past, especially when he was getting sicker and reaching a year on the transplant waiting list. Then after transplant the pain medications and other treatments in addition to he challenges of recovery sometimes took a toll and made him feisty. This is not his normal personality. Cullen is the most laid back, calm and kind person I know, so there were definitely things beyond his control taking over his emotions and it was rough on him.
I would like to hear your experiences dealing with anger and how you have managed it.
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11 Replies
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@colleensteele, thanks for sharing the struggles of anger that Cullen has been through. I can certainly feel for him as I cannot imagine at his young age trying to process all of this and going through teen hormones, too. (Not even adding transplant to that.)
I started therapy just last year. I knew I have had bouts of anger, but I often tried to hide it or cry it out when no one was home. But, when I have felt my worst and not eating, sleeping, or drinking, I started to have more anger issues. I even ripped out an iv one hospital stay. I was unaware of this until my family told me. I was not me, and it was partially due to dehydration. I was in shock when they told me weeks later.
Like Cullen, I usually am laid back, so this was far from my norm. Certain medications can undoubtedly add to it. Prednisone in high doses is a no-no for me.
Talk therapy and just dealing with emotions as they pop up help. Trying to improve my nutrition helps, too.
How about you as a parent, have you dealt with anger? Were you angry when Cullen was diagnosed?
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@ksmith610, I am happy to hear that you know what adds to your anger and found ways to lower that. I think that limiting my social media time helps me in dealing with political nonsense, etc. I tend to ignore most of those posts. If I want to read something political, I read it online in reputable sources. People tend to anger and get nasty on social media. That is not what I go on. Some I have also had to unfollow or delete.
But on the positive note, I am happy that you will have your “toys” this month. That will help keep you busy. I think that as long as we can find ways to limit added stressors, anger is more controlled. Take care, and stay focused on your goals.
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@ksmith610 I hear you! I enjoy Facebook as a way to stay connected with long distance family and friends but the political aspect is horrible! I’ve made use of the hide post option. That way you don’t have to unfriend anyone but you won’t see that particular post again and supposedly it will also help weed out similar types making its way into your feed.
I lost a good friend to a political debate on social media and every since then I swore off discussing politics with anyone. Since doing that life has been more pleasant. It’s just not worth the anger that it can trigger.
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@jenc I’ve dealt with sadness more than anger in regard to Cullen. The only time I want to explode is when either a doctor or nurse isn’t listening or being difficult for whatever reason. Thankfully I can only think of a few times that has happened. One that comes to mind was when Cullen was having a PH episode and I took him to the ER. When I told the doctor that he has PH she said, “No, I think you got that wrong. I’m sure your 8 year old doesn’t have PH.” This happened before he started IV therapy so I didn’t have that as evidence. My face felt like it was on fire. I was so angry! I pulled out my cell and called his PH nurse and handed it to the doctor. Needless to say the doctor changed her tone after that. Anyway, that’s an example of when I get angry.
Cullen never gets angry anymore. He’s adjusted to all his meds and isn’t on any pain medication. He still takes 5mg’s of prednisone 2 times a day but it doesn’t seem to effect him. High doses of it do but hopefully he won’t have to go through that again any time soon.
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@colleensteele, you share a great tip. I use the unfollow and hide posts often, especially during political seasons. As you mention, it will not unfriend that person. If I want to see what they are up to, I can go to their page. It will not be in my main feed.
I am sorry to hear that you lost a friend because of political issues. I do not usually partake in that either. Although, my hubby does, lol. I have recently lost a PH friend because of something she disagreed with my hubby on. The sad thing is that I had not been on FB in about a week, so she texts me that our friendship was ended. I was shocked over that one. Hugs to you and yes, @ksmith610, using these tips may help if you prefer not to unfriend that person. Or, like me, limit social media time.
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@colleensteele, I can only imagine how bad you wanted to explode on that doctor. I am happy that you advocated for Cullen, and she changed her tone. Some need that. My hubby also deals with anger, especially when a medical professional wants to start “all over,” like I do not have a diagnosis. Or, mess with my diuretics too much of they are not my usual doctors.
I know, as a mom, it has to be challenging to hold back when this is about your child. I applaud y’all that can stay sweet and not want to choke some of the medical professionals at times. I think after some time, we do tend to move from anger.
I am happy to hear that Cullen doesn’t get angry, he sounds so much like you. He is the quiet, laid back type. Is Aiden more like your hubby?
Prednisone will work on your emotions, sadly. I had a rough time the last time that I was on high doses, too.
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@jenc no, actually it’s the opposite. Cullen is very much like my husband. They both are always calm, cool and collected. Aidan has my anxiety and wears his heart on his sleeve. When we react it’s with full emotion…happy, sad, stressed, angry…you know what state our mind and heart is in most of the time. But it’s hard to get a read from Cullen and Brian about how they are really feeling. When they do get angry, then oh boy, something really big has sent them over the edge.
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@colleensteele, I would have thought the opposite. Interesting- I know about wearing your hearts on your sleeves. My mom says that about me. I get that from her and anxiety and worrying-hehe.
I know some who are like your hubby and Cullen. The calm and quiet but watch out when they reach their breaking point, hehe.
Do you think this helps Cullen as he went through the transplant process and continues the post-transplant life?
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Anger is a expected emotion, when we experience a sudden change in your life, it is the “why me” , I do not deserve this, this changes everything. Feelings of disappointment, loneliness and no hope. It takes time, but gradually you begin to accept the change and move on.
The problem is when you leave unresolved anger to grow like a cancer and it consumes you mentally and physically.
I internalize it or find positive things that I can control. Try to find a safe way to vent your anger, think before you speak -
@jimi I agree. Anger can be a normal and even healthy process when dealing with major changes and grief. It’s important to allow yourself to feel it but not let it own you or allow it to hurt someone else. Like you said, “Think before you speak.”
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Well said, @jimi! All of us most likely have dealt with anger. It’s not about having or being angry. It’s more about finding coping mechanisms that help to release the anger in a safe environment.
You and @colleensteele both mentions experiencing anger but learn to deal with it and move on. When someone is unable to manage the anger, this becomes a severe problem. This can also impact one’s overall health. Often a medical professional is needed when anger is not controlled.
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