This topic contains 10 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Jen Cueva 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #19334
     Brittany Foster 
    Keymaster

    Something that I have always had a hard time with is my habit of projecting my physical symptoms or emotional pain onto others. I also project these feelings or symptoms and get angry at insignificant annoyances instead of addressing the true problem.

    In my latest column post for Recharged and Rewired, I write about this in a vulnerable, but also a humorous way.

    Writing about my fit of rage, I stated: “This fit of rage wasn’t because of the trash, which only consisted of a few containers of leftovers from the night before. It wasn’t about my boyfriend not cleaning out the medicine cup after I told him to find it. My anger didn’t have anything to do with the dishes that were waiting to be washed in the sink.

    Hours before I entered my house, I was in my care clinic getting an X-ray, only to be told that I had developed pneumonia and bronchitis. I was projecting my frustration and the hurt I felt within my own body. I was feeling exhausted, breathless, and trapped by my illness. Instead of airing out the hurt I was feeling inside and the mental pain it was causing, I lashed out at the insignificant annoyances that were in front of me.”

    Can you relate to projecting your emotions onto others or on “small” annoyances during the day? What is an example you would like to share of doing this? How do you help yourself through this emotional difficulty?

  • #19345
     Colleen Steele 
    Keymaster

    Brittany, if I am to be honest, I’m guilty of this more so than my son. I can often feel when a rant is building and if I can, I will tell my family to just leave me alone for a while. If if they don’t listen and I go off on them, well then, I did warn them.

    An example would be snapping at my husband for asking me if I could bring him a bottle of ice tea since I was in the kitchen anyway. That’s not an unreasonable request but my reaction, “Did you just wait for me to stand up so you could ask me to fetch for you?” Yikes, right? In reality, I was upset and stressed because the mail had already arrived that day and a medication for my son that I’ve been waiting for still hadn’t arrived.

    I could give many more examples but I think you get the idea. I can totally relate to projecting emotions. We are only human!

    • #19363
       Jen Cueva 
      Participant

      Oh, Colleen, you’re not alone. Your example sounds like something simple that may ” set me off”. Afterward, I’m like, ” geez, I am that crazy woman”. It’s definitely a struggle that I’m sure many can relate to. At least, they get a warning!

      In what ways do you think your son projects his emotions and physical struggles? Is he more the silent, keep it in, type?

  • #19350
     Brittany Foster 
    Keymaster

    Colleen,
    That’s good that you can give good warning in advance. I think what adds to my distress is the reaction that I get from people when I project my feelings and emotions. I sometimes get the “what is wrong with you?” Response or the “oh you must have had a bad appointment because you’re acting like this” instead of just being asked in a calmer way, “hey, what’s really up and what’s actually going on?” Or just a “I’m here if you want to talk “. Sometimes it’s hard when others reactions match my own stubbornness because then it just sends me into more of a tizzy. I’m sure you’ve had arguments like this before too. Communication is so important. But when I fall short I expect others to just KNOW. But sometimes they don’t and an argument can go south quickly.

  • #19362
     Jen Cueva 
    Participant

    Brittany, I can’t say enough just how much I could relate. I had my hubby read it, he said, ” wow, it’s like you wrote this”. I reminded him how similar although different we all are.

    I enjoy reading your columns and appreciate you sharing such tough and personal struggles.

    @Colleen, it’s a good thing that you earn others. Often, I just tend to, ” go off” like a crazy woman as I say. My hubby sometimes can tell when it may happen. Other days, it’s just out of nowhere but most often when I’m feeling my worst. I definitely appreciate his love, support, and patience. Communication, as Brittany mentions is so important.

    • #19366
       Brittany Foster 
      Keymaster

      Jen,
      your husband sounds like a great match for you and his patience is something that I really admire in a significant other. It is hard to keep composure especially when going through their own emotions with everything too that sometimes don’t get talked about as much.

      • #19371
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        Thanks, Brittany, I appreciate him more than he realizes. I’m agree that this battle is tough, on him as well. He doesn’t voice his emotions too often. But, he has his days, it’s more so when I’m hospitalized or just not having a ” good” day. He always apologizes and tells me it’s all fear-driven.

        Does your boyfriend voice his emotions or internalize them?

      • #19376
         Brittany Foster 
        Keymaster

        He does a little bit of both. He is definitely getting better at talking through things though. We both have come a long way in the communication department. He is my first relationship ever so it was definitely a learning experience at first. I wasn’t exactly surrounded by prime examples of good communication in my life so it was hard to navigate through it all. I think that I am better at just recognizing when something is “up” and getting better at allowing him to process things and THEN talk about them vs what I’m used to doing which is demanding and explanation right away LOL ! I realize I’m a pain the butt sometimes too hahaha! We all have our “thing” we do.

      • #19384
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        Hi Brittany,
        It sounds like you and your boyfriend have grown and learned together over the years. Communication is a huge factor in any relationship. I feel like those of us with illnesses, it makes it even more important. Talking things out rationally is always best. Although, I realize that we aren’t thinking ” rationally” some days. LOL

        Often, I too, think we are can be ” pains in the butt”, but we are certainly entitled to be, in my opinion, HeHe

      • #19399
         Brittany Foster 
        Keymaster

        YES! we definitely have reasons for our madness, as I like to say hahah! But you are right, some days we really just need a good emotional release session to get out a lot of our frustration or built up feelings. This is one of the reasons why I benefit from talk therapy so much because it just gives me a space to let go of some things I’ve been holding inside. Definitely healthier to talk things over with SOMEONE before it gets to feel like too much to handle.

      • #19415
         Jen Cueva 
        Participant

        Haha Brittany, so true!

        By maintaining our space as well as talking things out definitely helps. I have noticed that since starting therapy, I find it easier to voice my concerns. Well, most days, some days, life gets the best of me. I find myself just letting it all out, and it’s often just a big ” hot mess” on those days.

        But, I remind myself, I’m making improvement and we all have rough days.

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