Returning to the Forums is a win for me!

[Carol Volckmann]

Sweet Colleen, it is so good to hear from you. You, Aiden and Cullen have been in our hearts and prayers and will continue. We also pray that Brian’s kidneys will give the recipients long and happy lives with Brian’s healthy kidneys.

We wish for you the moments that brought you the most joy, laughter and love with Brian will grow and will begin to push aside some of the void and empty feelings.

Warm hugs for all of you filled with love and caring.

[jen-cueva]

Oh, my sweet @colleensteele, I’m in tears again; you’re kind. I appreciate your heartfelt love, but I’m doing what any friend would do.

It’s incredible to see your name pop up and your replies.

Knowing about Brian’s kidneys’ two recipients will hopefully offer you and the boys a sense of peace. You and your family hold a special place in my heart.

As I watched the services for Brian, I thought about what a perfect couple you made. Everyone who knew Brian offered such love and shared how brilliant he was. But, also just a kind soul. I also describe you as full of love, empathy, and support. You also are smart.

If you haven’t shared how you two met, maybe you will share that in a future column. I’m keeping y’all in my thoughts and prayers, Colleen.

Your return, even if it’s a little here and there, is our weekly win, too! You are loved and admired by so many here.

[Sally Hoffman]

It’s good to hear from you, Colleen.  May you continue to be surrounded by the love of us all.

[Terese Tuohey]

Oh, Colleen!  I was so happy to see your return to the Forum, even if not for full time.  I’m sending along a big HUG!  I know what it has been like for you – my first husband passed with a bad heart.  I remember needing to work as soon as I was able to clear out the cobwebs in my brain and come out from under the initial paperwork. Working was my salvation.  Please know:  We’re all here for you, and we’ll help with our support however you need it.

[ky]

@CulleenSteele, I am so sorry I was late in noticing that your husband passed, my prayers and thoughts have been with you and your family ever since! I hope you find some peace but allow yourself to continue to heal, as we all know it is an ongoing process.

Sending you much love and light my PHriend!

[DeLois Tweedy]

Dear Colleen, it was a delightful surprise to end this week by seeing your message posted. Please know that you and the boys have been in my prayers. I think of you often and cannot know or imagine what’s it like to go through this. Please allow yourself the time you need. I pray you will move forward with sweet memories, healing, and peace. We’re here for you and your PHamily.

[jen-cueva]

We are excited to see our forum moderator, @colleensteele, pop in. Despite the things on her to-do lists and taking care of herself mentally, physically, and emotionally, she wants to be here. That’s our lovely Colleen.

We are here with open arms, my dear friend. However, at such a difficult time, we only want you to take the time to grasp all of this. It must have seemed like everything came crashing down on you simultaneously.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and the boys. I love you bunches. <3

[V.R. Peterson]

Oh @colleensteele, I’m glad to see you back! Please take it slow and easy, and listen to your emotions each passing day, to decide when you can and shouldn’t tax yourself.

I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you deal with grief and healing. May you find little rays of sunshine to help you keep going with each passing day, week, month, and year.

[Colleen]

Thank you all for your lovely messages! Your emotional support means more to me than I can ever put into words!

[Gayle Ward]

Welcome back Colleen, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. You are a strong woman and will get through this.
Lots of hugs and love

gayle

[Jill Upshaw]

So sorry for your loss. I am sure you did everything you could and cared for him so lovingly. Glad you are back. Love and prayers for you and your son.

[jen-cueva]

My win this week or month was catching up with our amazing one and only forum moderator, @colleensteele! Sunday, we finally caught up some, and it was so lovely to hear her sweet and gentle voice.

I always feel that there’s so much to talk about with you. Although Colleen is grieving and has a busy schedule, I hope catching up also benefits her.

May God continue leading you and the boys. Take it one day at a time, and know that we are here to support and love you just as much as you’ve passionately supported us over the years. Allow us to reciprocate, my dear friend and FWW.

[Carol Volckmann]

A won this week for me was hearing sweet Jen was able to talk with dear sweet Colleen. That just warmed my heart ❤️.

Warm positive energy is there for you Colleen and the boys and our love goes out to you hoping it will help you and the boys navigate through some rough waters.  Hoping all the sweet memories, laughter and joys with Brian become more and more to the surface. Working through grief takes it own time for each of us and I think a necessary journey, but know how much love there is for you to embrace. ❤️

 

 

[jen-cueva]

Hi @cdvol3gmail-com, you’re so very kind! Thanks for your love and support. Talking to Colleen was wondertful since I’ve missed hearing her sweet voice.

I bet your other win is that your cousin and her partner joyed a quick visit, and now you can slow down some. How is the ABT working this time around?

[Carol Volckmann]

Thank you for asking, sadly the round of the antibiotic has done nothing for the bloating. I have not finished the 14 days so … we shall see.

Dick just had eye surgery yesterday and had a terrible night so the patient and caregiver have switched roles. I cannot stand it when he is hurting!!

Poor Cloud now has me for all his walks and exercises  – I have to be so careful as he can pull me over so easily. So far he has been really good. He is now 10 months old and is 90% of the time a real treasure 10% still can be the white tornado 🌪.

Hope your week is going okay when do you see the pain doc?

[Colleen]

@jenc catching up with you did my heart so much good! You probably had to rest your ears after I talked them off!

@cdvol3gmail-com @mainegal @tervo @kygon @deetweedy @mamabear007 @gward @upshtcx and everyone who left scattered messages for me among the forums…THANK YOU! Words can’t express how much your love and support means to me! I’m lucky to have all of you in my life even if just through the forums.

[Carol Volckmann]

Colleen, you have had and still have everyone’s back – well we have your back. We love and support you and will always be there for you ❤️❤️

[Colleen]

Thank you @cdvol3gmail-com! It’s a wonderful PHamily we have here!

[V.R. Peterson]

@ColleenSteele

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, you could never talk my ears off! I believe we can talk for hours. I’m always here for you anytime.

The love and support shown in the forums by our outstanding members warm my heart. Thank you all for your support and love for Colleen and her family!

[Linda Concoby]

Dear Colleen,

My deepest sympathies. This must be such a hard time for you. How wonderful, though, to see loving comments from your Phriends, and know you are glad to be back on the Forum, where you are so very welcome.

[jen-cueva]

Hi @lindaconcoby, how have you been? Don’t you manage PH and scleroderma? It’s great to see you pop in.

[Colleen]

@lindaconcoby thank you so much! Like @jenc I would also love to hear an update on how you are doing. We are here for you through good times and bad. I hope right now you are going through good times!

[Terese Tuohey]

Colleen, We’re always here for you!  I can only wish you peace as you work through all this in your life.  Prayers and a hug!

[Colleen]

Thank you @tervo! I’m sending prayers and a hug to you as well!

[jen-cueva]

My weekly win is surviving the brutal Texas heat and returning home safely to San Diego!

Oh boy, were the airports a mess, and we flew out on a late-night flight and returned on the early AM flight! We enjoyed family time for several days, and in between, I ended up in the AC in our hotel room. I missed meeting up with 2 friends because the heat was too much on me. But I’m thankful they both understand and know we will see each other when I visit again, not in the summer months.

Tomorrow is Friday, so who else has any victories to share this week?

[Colleen]

@jenc I was thinking about you regarding both the heat and the airport. Lots of news reports about the airport chaos over the holiday. We almost planned WI during that time. So glad we decided to wait until the following week!

I hope you managed to make a few nice memories while there but if not…protecting your health was way more important so future memories made will be possible!

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, yeah, the airports were chaotic. Thankfully only our flight out was about 30 minutes delayed. One ahead of ours was 2 hours behind.

I’m grateful to survive that extreme heat, humidity, and airport chaos. Thankfully this time, Manny was with me. Both he and KK reminded me about taking care of me first. So that was why I was in the hotel rooms more in the AC. I was only feeling awful one evening and the evening after we arrived.

Saturday morning was breakfast, well, brunch with Mom, KK, and Manny. My younger sis and dad wanted me to come over that way later, but we enjoyed an early seafood dinner with KK and then returned to the room to rest. I felt bad for texting my sis and dad to say I would see them the following day.

But we only made it to our room at about 4 AM morning. KK and Manny both reminded me I shouldn’t feel guilty. Even after my little sis tried to guilt me by texting me several times about how they would miss me, was I sure?

[Carol Volckmann]

Jen, so glad KK and Manny were with you!! It is so unfortunate that some family members and friends live in denial about our health issues. You try and explain and they just do not want to hear it. Trying to make you feel guilty is even worse.

My heart goes out to you. Be proud of yourself for taking care of yourself  (4 AM??? 🤯)

Rest up dear friend and get some 😴! Lots of light and love ❤️.

[jen-cueva]

Hi @cdvol3gmail-com, I am grateful to have Manny and KK. They often remind me that I need to rest and not worry about what everyone thinks.

The guilt trips are nothing new. I guess I was wishful thinking this would change after being in CA.

Thank you for your love and support. Yes, ma’am, I was ready to choke Manny on the money bike slide hand, and on the other, I was SO ready to get back to SD.

I rested most of this weekend, minus a beach ride on Saturday. I had a minor fall as we were finishing the ride. I hit a rock in the gravel, and my bike slid. I am thankful I only have little bumps and bruises. Yes, I had my helmet on. I got back up on it and made it to the Jeep to load up.

Hopefully, you had a relaxing weekend. How is your new week looking?

[Carol Volckmann]

Oh Jen, you must still be sore and stiff after taking that fall. You certainly did not need that!  I am so thankful you are okay – please, don’t do that again. If you are not feeling 100%, please don’t hesitate to check with your PCP.

I am so sorry to hear some of your family still set out guilt trips … afraid that is not going to change. I think it is going to be up to you to just let it go. It really is their issues not yours. Think of what you would advise a friend who held on to feelings of guilt – how would you respond to them to support them? Please don’t take ownership of guilt!

We did have a relaxing weekend. My new Hickman line is still quite painful, but slowly getting better. They had to stich it in place and I am so thin I don’t have much skin on my chest. It takes a long time to heal.

Sending lots of hugs filled with love ❤️

[jen-cueva]

Hi @cdvol3gmail-com, yes, I am still a bit sore, but I’m OK. That fall could have been worse. I will try my best not to fall again.

You’re right about those family members not changing. I have come to a place where I am much better at letting that guilt go and reminding myself my health comes first. I love that tip, “please don’t take ownership of guilt”. I’ll keep that in mind.

I’m sorry to hear that your site is still sore. You are so tiny; I bet it is painful. I hope and pray that it continues to heal and that you get relief. Relaxing weekends are great. Are you reading any good books lately?

Hugs and love are coming back at you, my sweet PHriend.

PS Zoe says hi to Cloud. She has been a bit stubborn since we got back. We keep reminding her of the rules at our house, hehe. Ms. Beverly didn’t use her training while there.

[jen-cueva]

Let’s keep @colleensteele and the boys in our thoughts and prayers this week. They are traveling to Wisconsin to be with Brian’s family. On the 15th, they are holding another Memorial Service for Brian; Colleen is doing another eulogy.

Colleen, I can empathize with the range of emotions you must feel as you prepare to go through this experience again. I know it won’t be easy for you or the boys, but please know my prayers are with you. May God bring you comfort and strength as you navigate another service. Despite heartache and challenges, your unwavering dedication to supporting his family is admirable, but it doesn’t surprise me. <3

[V.R. Peterson]

@ColleenSteele, you and your boys are in my thought and prayers. May God comfort and uplift you and your boys during this time and beyond.

[Jimi Mcintosh]

Colleen, I am sorry to hear of Brian’s passing. I pray that you and the boys are taking care of yourselves, it takes a while to put your life back together. I applaud you for reaching out to me, offering support that was really needed. You are an “Angel”, you are my “Ever-Ready Bunny, you just keep going. God will never give you more than you can handle, at times it can be overwhelming. Thanks for All You Do, and welcome back, staying busy helps with grieving.

[Colleen]

@jimi your kind words were just what I needed to hear today. Thank you!

I owe @jenc a big thank you for yet again, covering the forums solo for another week. Last week I was in WI for a Steele family memorial for my husband. It was beautiful but the heartbreaking thing that went wrong was my youngest son didn’t make it. He flight to WI got canceled at the last minute after numerous delays. It took an emotional toll on all of us but especially him.

I am back again and catching up on the week everyone had.

[Carol Volckmann]

Oh Colleen, I am so sorry that Cullen was not able to make the memorial. I just cannot imagine what he went through trying to get there and his plane was canceled!

It also had to be do difficult for you and Adian to be there without Cullen. My heart breaks for all of you.

I know you and your family are so strong and always looking forward, moving forward, finding the best out of dark and into light.

Hold on to that strength that is inside you and feel the love and light that surrounds you and will always be there for you.

Hugs filled with love ❤️.

 

[Colleen]

@cdvol3gmail-com @mamabear007 @jenc thank you as always for your genuine compassion and concern for my family.

It was actually Aidan whose flight was canceled. Cullen flew out with me. Aidan was scheduled to arrive the morning of the Memorial because he used up all of his family/vacation/sick time during Brian’s hospitalization and after his passing. He felt guilty having missed it due to work. I told him I’m fairly certain that dad would just be proud of him for being responsible as always. What happened wasn’t his fault. He was able to attend the one in WA and I hope in time that gives him comfort.

Now I’m crazy busy clearing out my house and planning on moving to NJ with my parents. Cullen would like it to happen in August but I’m not confident I will be able to pull that off. Aidan will continue to live and work in WA.

So much transition on top of grieving. Prayers are appreciated during this difficult time.

[Carol Volckmann]

Colleen you are in our prayers 🙏 and we surround you in Light and Love ❤️.

Please remember to come up for air once in awhile and just breath …

So much on your plate. I know you will get through it all, but I cannot fathom

trying to get it all done and move your lives across the country and … have this all done in August!?

Please take care of yourself emotionally and physically – that will keep you strong.

I’ll miss you not being here in Washing even though we have not met face to face, somehow I felt someday we would have and I would be able to tell you in person what an inspiration you have been in my life.

Sending good vibes and warm hugs 🤗❤️.

 

[V.R. Peterson]

@ColleenSteele, I’m so sorry your youngest wasn’t able to be there for the memorial. How heartbreaking for him! You and the boys remain in my prayers.

[jen-cueva]

Welcome back, @colleensteele! Your FWW missed you bunches. But we all want you to take what time you need to continue to grieve Brian.

I hate that Aidan couldn’t be there with you, Cullen, and the other family in WI for Brian’s second Memorial Service. But I know you and Cullen must be happy to be home with Aidan. You must be drained mentally and physically, my dear friend.

You and your boys remain in my continued prayers. Please reach out if I can help y’all in any way.

[Colleen]

I’ve shared a lot of hard times here lately but now it’s time for a happy update. My weekly win will come this weekend when I attend a girls camping trip at Ocean Shores this weekend. To be honest, I came so close to backing out for many reasons but with encouragement from my sons, I confirmed that I will be going. I’m hoping this will be a mental health win for me!

[V.R. Peterson]

@ColleenSteele, I’m so glad you decided to attend the girls camping trip. I’m confident this will help you. 💞

[jen-cueva]

Oh, @colleensteele! I’m so excited and proud of you for deciding to go on the girls’ trip this weekend. OMG, you deserve this time away and some fun with close friends.

The best part is when you shared that your boys convinced you to go.💜 With all you’ve been through lately, you need time to regain your mental health, even if it is a temporary boost.

We will be here and look forward to hearing some funny stories and how this trip helps you when you return and rest up. This is a much-needed reset for you, my dear friend.

[Carol Volckmann]

@ColleenSteele Colleen, You are so deserving of thus weekend at Ocean Shores. What a wonderful beginning to heal, to rest, to laugh to just BE!!

Your boys are very special indeed to convince you to go … you must be very proud of them.

Have a wonderful 😊 time, enjoy the moments. Let the child within come out and play!

 

 

[Colleen]

Thank you ladies! I am really looking forward to this! Even have a pedicure appointment with another friend tomorrow so my toes will look all pretty for the beach!

[V.R. Peterson]

A pedicure sounds wonderful! Are you going to neutral or bright and sassy shades?

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, I love reading about your excitement or this girl’s trip to the beach. Like @mamabear007, now I want to know what color you will do your toes.

Last week or the week prior, KK and I did our toes. I choose a coral for my toes. KK did her toes in what almost looks like periwinkle. 💜I loved the coral in the sand and at the beach.

So, QOTD, what color will Colleen pain her toes? I say a more pale pink.

No matter what color you choose, I know this will be an essential time for you and a lot of fun. But this will be a much-needed rest and break you deserve, my dear friend.

[Carol Volckmann]

Happy toes, pretty toes makes you smile – enjoy every moment 😊🌈⛱️

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, how was your girl’s trip? I hope and pray the weather didn’t affect your fun. I bet you ladies could have fun no matter what, which is what you needed.

Insuring minds want to know…what color did you paint your toes?

What could you share about the trip that stood out to you? Did you want to stay there longer and live in those moments? Knowing you, you worried about what was happening at home and that to-do list!

[Colleen]

@jenc and PHriends, sorry for not updating yesterday. I got distracted by my to-do-list.

I had a FABULOUS girl’s weekend at the beach! I am so glad I went! It went by way too fast! My favorite part of the weekend is how it reminded me of the PH forums. That sounds crazy but it’s true! Five of us went and we each are going through something right now, so we laughed, had fun but also listened and supported each other whenever conversation turned to deeper things. It was such a healing experience in many ways!

My toes were a sparkly pink @jenc

[V.R. Peterson]

@ColleenSteele, the weekend sounds absolutely wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

[jen-cueva]

Hi, @colleensteele. I’m excited and grateful you had a wonderful weekend with your girlfriends. But of course, you came home to tackle that never-ending to-do list again. I bet you were ready to be back at the beach.

It sounds like a beautiful time and much-needed for all of you. You are so sweet to think about how it reminded you of the forums. But yes, it is such a healing yet fun experience for all. This makes my weekly win, indeed, for you.

I wish I were there to share in and help support you with some of these feelings and share some laughs with you. This trip sounds like something you ladies need to plan annually, even once you head to NJ. Do you think that’s possible?

We are so proud of you for taking your boys’ advice and going to enjoy yourself some but also to help with healing and grief after your busy year.

Aw, sparkly pink toes in the sand and all. I LOVE this, Colleen. Thanks for sharing; no need to apologize.