Which Relationships in Your Life Make You Feel ”Seen”?

[Colleen]

Great topic, @jenc!

I will respond as a caregiver. When in the past or present I’ve discussed how Cullen or my husband is doing I am thrown off guard when interrupted with the question, “But how are you doing?”.

I have a few close friends who will do this. It’s their way of reminding me that they worry about me too and want to make sure I’m ok. If I respond, “Oh, I’m doing fine,” they will often push a little more to make sure I’m being honest. It’s often later that I will think about how they cared enough to ask about me and it does feel good to feel “seen”!

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, I love your response! Too often, we do ask about the one who is sick. But the caregivers and loved ones are dealing with PH, too.

I love that your friends ask and push a little, as I know with you; it often takes that extra nudge. Like me, you usually give an “I’m fine” or OK response.

I must say my hubby is huge, but I have a few friends outside my PHriends who ask and care how I am doing. These are the people I credit for making it through my toughest days. Our forum members included thanking you all.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Caregivers often get overlooked like moms with babies, right?

[jen-cueva]

I want to share this topic again and hope that some of you will share your thoughts.

If you feel like you don’t have that relationship with anyone, what about in the PH community? Many days, I know that my PHriends and PHamily make me feel seen or validated. I remember not wanting to leave my little “community at my first PH conference.”

Maybe you’re that person for someone else, share your thoughts about that.

[Colleen]

@jenc I think I have a recent example for this. Cullen and I attended a barbecue over Labor day weekend. In the evening we were sitting around a fire pit and somehow Cullen’s transplant came up in the conversation. People were asking questions and he politely answered them in kind of a short and sweet manner. Then my friend’s husband said, “Cullen I have several questions for you but I know right now isn’t really the time and place for it. Would it be ok if some other time when you come over I sit down with you and ask questions, listen and learn about your transplant experience? He was so genuine and considerate and it made Cullen feel “seen”. Cullen told him, “ANY time I will be happy to do that!”. After that everyone returned to relaxing by the fire pit and the conversation turned to a topic less heavy. Cullen enjoyed the rest of the evening being seen as a friend and not an interesting topic of conversation. It was much appreciated.

[jen-cueva]

Hi @colleensteele, this is an excellent example, and I’m so happy you shared this. It shows us that feeling “seen” may mean that others realize how we want to fit in and have fun like everyone else.

You mention that Cullen was seen more “as a friend,” “not an interesting topic”- I often tell Manny later how I felt like a clown at a circus. This is not the best feeling, and that friend realizing that and approaching Cullen was much appreciated.

We don’t only want to talk about PH and transplant life; we want to enjoy the BBQs and events like everyone else.