Am I a Caregiver or a Mom?

I struggled with the title for my column because what I write about will be from my perspective as caregiver to my son. However, using the word “caregiver” was bothering me because who I am above all else is his mom.

When someone refers to me as a caregiver, it makes me feel like they are viewing what I do for my son as a job instead of the special relationship that it is. Everything I do for him is a reflection of my love, not an obligation.

The lengths I would go to in order to take care of my son who is health challenged are no greater than the ends of the earth I would go to in caring for his brother who is healthy. So this got me thinking that the words “caregiver” and “mom” should be considered synonymous. Every mom I know is a caregiver, and we should embrace that title the way we do our children.

As they age, we have to adapt our caregiving accordingly. The same is true when you nurture a child who is living with pulmonary hypertension; there is a balance you have to maintain between the age of the child and the stage of their disease. My son was 6 years old when he became symptomatic with PH, but he wasn’t diagnosed until age 8. My experience as a PAH caregiver then extended five years, until his health declined and he received a heart and double lung transplant at 14.

In August, my son, who is now a young adult, will be celebrating five years post-transplant. As an adult, he is taking on more responsibility for his own healthcare, so my role as caregiver and mom are evolving yet again.

There have been a lot of changes over the years, but nothing compares to the fact that, since transplant, my son no longer has pulmonary hypertension. However, I still consider myself a PH mom. If I ever said my father had been in the Marine Corps, he would correct me and say, “Once a Marine, always a Marine!”

I believe the same is true if you have parented a child with a life-threatening disease. The PH battle was too life-changing for it to ever stop being a part of who I am. “Once a PH mom, always a PH mom!”

I decided to go with caregiver in my column title to encompass my experiences as a mother raising a child with PH and eventually caring for him as a transplant recipient. As I brainstormed for the rest of the title, I found my identity as caregiver and mom being challenged yet again. I was leaning toward “Caregiver Corner,” but there are disagreeable synonyms for corner: ambush, trap, shut in, dilemma, etc. These words do not reflect the heart and soul of a caregiver or a mom.

Yes, there have been challenges and heart-breaking moments, but caring for my son has always been a rewarding experience, and unlike a job, it’s something that I would never quit doing! I am giving care to a life, and life is precious. I have never felt cornered into being a caregiver; instead I embraced it, and have felt the same love and care in return. “Corner” would have been an inappropriate word to use.

So I embrace not the job, but the “Life As a Caregiver.” I hope my shared experiences will inspire and support you through the ups and downs of caring for your loved one, whether they are your child, parent, sibling, spouse, friend, or anything else. Where there is unconditional love and the desire to support a person through thick and thin, there is a caregiver.