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What are the best ways other people have helped you?
One of my friends has been in and out of the hospital for a few months and really struggling with a variety of complicated health issues. I’m balancing my own mental health with supporting my friend, and I thought I’d take this as an opportunity to build a resource for myself and others. Will you help me brainstorm?
Having spent my fair share of time in the hospital, I stop myself from sending a text like, “how are you?” When I’m ill, I find that kind of outreach useless and annoying: I don’t usually have the energy to formulate a response that is either informative or optimistic, and I don’t like spending a lot of time rehashing negative events.
What are the best ways other people have helped you when you were very sick or hospitalized? What do you wish people would do for you when you are struggling?
Some things I thought of:
- Send a picture of your pet or a funny video
- Send a pretty or silly card telling them you are thinking of them
- Send a gift card for takeout
- Clean their house (I recently heard a story of someone whose friend did this for their mother on a weekly basis as she was battling cancer!)
- Visit (with permission) and bring an activity: game, craft, book to read aloud.
What else comes to mind for you? It doesn’t necessarily need to be for someone who is in the hospital.
And do you have any favorite lines or scripts to respond to common messages like, “How are you?” or “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help?”
Thank you in advance! ❤
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5 Replies
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Well, hello stranger, @Kathleen Sheffer! How have you been? It’s lovely to see you pop up here in the forums. (For our newer members who don’t know, Kathleen was one of the first forum moderators with Brittany.)
I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s recent frequent hospitalizations; we all know how that can be at times. But you’re an incredible friend and support, I’m sure. It’s also a beautiful reminder that you mention “balancing your mental health while supporting your friend.”
Often, I choose not to respond to text messages asking, ” How are you?” or “Are you better yet?”- When we are feeling so bad and need to be impatient, we don’t feel like answering questions like that or rehashing the entire story of why we are hospitalized.
When I get those questions too often from the same people, I usually send a frustrated text saying, “PH isn’t a cold; it doesn’t just go away.”
Some things I’ve done, or others have done for me, that help when feeling my worst or in the hospital are:
- Funny texts and memes
- Send notebooks and pens or pencils, puzzle books, etc.
- Send fresh but not heavily scented body wash, spray, or lotion from the gift shop or now by delivering apps.
- Deliver a meal they were craving.
- Call and ask if they can come to visit
- PJ and movie time
- Bring and drop off a bag at the door with hot teas, crackers, a cute mug, and a card or something in a care package (cold and flu-themed, etc.).I’ve done this for my friends if they are sick and I don’t want to catch anything, and vice versa.
What a great surprise to see you pop in, and also, what an excellent topic for discussion. 💜
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Thanks, Jen! It’s great to see the forums thriving with beautiful updated design! I love your ideas and appreciate that we feel the same way about the “how are you” style texts.
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Those texts are so annoying at times. But I’ve also found myself about to text the same question to someone, and my patient brain kicks in, and I rephrase my questions and text.
Hugs and prayers are with you and your friend, Kathleen. Yes, you probably haven’t seen our new forum platform updates. Like us, it’s evolved with time. 🤗
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A few things friends have done for me
Offered to drive me to tests and treatments
Send text that say”Thinking of you”
Call and catch me up on what everyone is doing
Random little gifts like tea , coloring books or special treats they know I like
Come by and visit is also nice
Girlfriends are priceless 😊
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Hi, @Gayle Ward; those are some great ways to help others. You’re right; our girlfriends are treasures. I had one of my best friends drive 3 to 4 hours to come and “sit” with me during one hospitalization. They didn’t think I would come out of that episode, but I did, and she was still at my bedside. Many of my specialists thought she was my sister. She was quiet and didn’t bother me unless she thought I needed something or wanted to visit and chat.
Your text of “Thinking of you” goes with this, as she would send those texts when she wasn’t able to come when I was hospitalized. Just that simple text can make someone’s day brighter! 🌞
Unlike my siblings, who may pop in but have been known to bring friends and neighbors with them to visit, like it’s some sort of reunion, my siblings have been kicked out twice by the nurses and my hubby because they were so loud, and I and others on my hall were feeling horrible and needed rest.
These are all wonderful tips, thanks Gayle. You would love my care packages, then. I try to personalize them according to who receives them—teas, snacks, Kleenex, etc.
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