Accepting myself and the things I can’t change in life with PH

My relationship with acceptance, especially regarding my body and sense of self, has always been complicated. Then, a pulmonary hypertension (PH) diagnosis brought an avalanche of changes into my life and forced me to rethink my approach.

As a child, my family spent summers in upstate New York, exploring the rivers and streams of the Adirondacks. One year, while playing in a river, the current suddenly picked up speed. Clinging to a rock as the water tried to sweep me away, I kept repeating, “I resist! I resist!” I refused to let the water overpower me. This memory resurfaces often because it so clearly reflects how I’ve felt about limitations in my life — my stubborn urge to resist them and my struggle to fully accept them.

Being a premature baby and a child with scoliosis were two things I could accept easily because they were innate — there was nothing I could do about them. The same goes for my short stature and stutter. I did everything possible to make sure those health and bodily challenges didn’t limit anything I wanted to do, whether that was jumping out of trees, pitching in Little League, running for student body president, or performing in high school musicals.

Although I maintained a surface-level acceptance and tried not to let physical limitations define me when I was younger, my inner voice wasn’t always kind. Some aspects of myself I wouldn’t embrace publicly until adulthood. And, of course, PH brought new challenges to face.

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A radical idea

A chronic illness like PH is difficult to come to terms with because it turns your world upside down. The emotional and mental toll — from symptoms and endless appointments to insurance calls and treatment management — can be overwhelming and lead to depression. In my early days after diagnosis, I felt I had lost control of my life, unable to steer back toward a more familiar, less PH-focused routine. Sadly, chanting “I resist” until I was blue in the face wasn’t an option — shortness of breath would have stopped me first.

Accepting the painful and uncomfortable parts of life — and letting go of control over what we cannot change — often feels impossible. Therapists and mental health experts emphasize the value of “radical acceptance,” a concept known to ease suffering and support healing. Meghan Keane, NPR’s managing producer of the podcast “Life Kit” and author of “Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner,” explained in a 2025 interview with WBUR that radical acceptance means “shifting from a place of rejecting your reality and feeling very frustrated and having a lot of tension about the reality to accepting the facts of what’s happening, so then you can actually make a choice.”

What resonates most with me about radical acceptance is the way it empowers people — not by changing what has happened, but by giving us agency over how we respond and move forward with our circumstances.

What PH has helped me accept

Nearly a decade into my PH diagnosis, I’ve faced new limitations, but I’ve also gained a deeper sense of acceptance. Living with PH has helped me feel more at ease and confident in identifying as a disabled person. I now better recognize when I need help and am less reluctant to ask for it. Accepting my treatment plan — including wearing portable oxygen when needed — lets me continue prioritizing what brings me joy. While I still sometimes push back against a limitation, I’m more at peace with my inner dialogue and more empowered in how I manage this disease.

The journey to acceptance doesn’t require a final destination — just forward movement. For me, that means using my experience to promote greater PH awareness. Without acceptance, I couldn’t write this column or advocate for the broader PH community. So here’s to letting go of what we can’t control and embracing what we can, as we seek greater acceptance in the year ahead.

Follow me on X @mnaple or Bluesky at @mnaple.bksy.social.

Note: Pulmonary Hypertension News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Pulmonary Hypertension News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to pulmonary hypertension.