What’s next? Searching for where to cast my ambitions

While talking with some friends recently, we ended up discussing our college majors. My mom had encouraged me to study literature, writing, or something similar, but after a lifetime of being closely tied to the healthcare system with my pulmonary hypertension, I was determined to pursue a career in nursing.

And I was initially successful: I graduated with a nursing degree four years later and went on to pass my boards that summer. In fact, I was hired to work in a top-ranked neonatal intensive care unit before I even finished my degree.

However, I ended up letting go of that job before I even started because I knew that a heart and lung transplant was in my future. The short of it all is that I spent four years in college earning a degree that I’ve never once put to use, at least not as part of a career.

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Within one year of graduating, I went through the transplant process, receiving my new heart and lungs in 2018. For a long time, recovery and managing my health were a full-time job. Over the past six years, my stability has fluctuated, with my life rearranging itself accordingly.

But for a while now, I’ve been feeling good with relatively few setbacks. I work as a photo editor, which is a flexible way for me to work from home while allowing me to pursue many other interests, such as art and knitting.

While this setup has been an excellent option for me, considering the limitations I face, I sometimes feel as though I lack a true sense of purpose. While in college, my ambition was at an all-time high, and I’ve lost a lot of that in the years since. I have many passions, but sometimes lack the direction to apply myself to them in a meaningful way. It’s raised this question more than once: “Where do I go from here?”

Setting a bold path

I’ve discussed before how my life doesn’t quite align with the expected milestones of most people my age. At this point, I’m not planning for marriage, a significant career shift, or motherhood. I think in the absence of those things, and the stillness that this season of health has allowed me, I’m wanting to set some goals for myself — something to achieve and celebrate.

The thing that comes to mind is writing a book about my transplant experience. I self-published a small collection of poetry in 2019 and have been planning to write more of my story since then. However, bringing that to fruition has been harder than expected. But I don’t want to be afraid to start putting a bit of pressure on myself regarding the idea.

When I reflect on who I was before transplant, I think about how much I loved challenging myself and accomplishing difficult tasks. Things look different now, but my mind is the same. I want to remind myself that there are still achievable goals in my future. I also want to trust that I have enough time left for me to complete them.

Note: Pulmonary Hypertension News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Pulmonary Hypertension News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to pulmonary hypertension.