I have spent the majority of my 28 years suppressing my emotions. I had this idea that strength meant not letting my true feelings show. I fooled a lot of people with my smile and the way I seemed to handle life’s stressors with ease.
Recharged and Rewired - a Column by Brittany Foster
“Don’t Google it. Don’t Google it.” This is the internal dialogue I was having as my pulmonologist gave me a new prescription. I was told about the potential benefits and the possible side effects before I left the office. And while I appreciate that there…
Last weekend, I woke up with a stabbing pain coming from the site of my jejunal feeding tube. My tube has caused pain and countless infections over the past three months. I’ve been told to “give it time.” I have cried and…
I often stare at myself in the mirror and do not recognize the reflection staring back. I see a body that is so different from the one I had five years ago. I see a chest and a torso covered in scars from drainage tubes,…
Last week, I scrolled through Pinterest on my phone as I was wheeled into the endoscopy suite for a J-tube placement. I was doing everything I could to distract myself. I have worked hard in therapy to come up with coping mechanisms and have learned to keep my mind…
As a child, I always felt uncomfortable when people expressed sadness and fear. I tried to be strong to keep my family from feeling upset. I remember maintaining a brave face during surgeries and interventions to assure my loved ones that I would be OK. People have told…
The last few months have seemed like a stretch of bad dreams. I’ve felt as if I’ve had little control over my physical health while my medical team has been figuring out its next move. While awaiting medical decisions, my mental health presents an additional…
“Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing is just a grain of sand.” That line is from one of my favorite Carrie Underwood songs, “So Small.” I have listened to this song countless times before procedures, surgeries, and testing, and during hospital stays.
Living in the moment feels like an impossible feat while managing a chronic illness. It is hard to keep my mind on the present when so much of my energy is spent planning future appointments, scheduling upcoming tests and procedures, and waiting to hear about previous…
Almost every time I am at the hospital, someone asks about my wrist tattoo. It is in a spot that not everyone can see, but is noticeable when I turn my wrist so nurses or doctors can insert an IV. I am often asked what it…
“Just go take a nap.” That’s the response I often receive when I tell someone I’m feeling really tired. Many people don’t realize that the degree of exhaustion I experience goes beyond what a nap can resolve. I wish I could crawl into my…
“Is there any chance you are pregnant?” Unfortunately, I have had to answer this question more times than I would like to count. Usually, I can think of some witty reply in the moment, along the lines of, “You would need to get the news team…
