For the first 18 years of my life, I rarely thought about my weight. I was active, enjoyed playing sports, and had a muscular, athletic build. My body type changed when I was going through many difficult symptoms associated with my pulmonary hypertension (PH) and…
Recharged and Rewired - a Column by Brittany Foster
Sitting in a hospital room for the past few days has given me a lot of time to think. When my mind wanders, it could be good, leading to self-reflection, or it can heighten my anxiety and worsen my depression. Over the past 24 hours,…
I can’t recall a time in my life when I didn’t have scars to show. Growing up with congenital heart disease left me with scars from drainage tubes and open-heart surgery, and cutdown scars from catheters and IV placements. I was always told to “love my scars”…
Last Sunday, I thudded up the stairs to my apartment, making as much noise as possible, unlocked the door forcefully, and slammed it behind me. As soon as I entered, I rummaged through my cupboard, frantically looking for a medicine cup. I raised my voice at my boyfriend,…
I don’t have control over a lot when it comes to my health. I can’t choose the surgeries I will have, and I can’t predict what my physical symptoms will be like day to day. Although so much seems out of my control, there are certain things…
Living with chronic illness has made me more aware of the complexity of emotions that go along with health management. There are parts of me that I am not afraid to show and parts that I keep hidden. The side that most people know is optimistic and…
Clinician notes from my recent doctor’s visits have included comments such as “patient was tearful,” and “patient was in distress.” My initial reaction to reading these remarks was, “Oh, no. They are going to think I’m crazy and will blame my symptoms on anxiety or…
Chronic illness often leaves me feeling frustrated with my physical and mental health. When I am feeling overwhelmed by my body’s symptoms or experiencing emotional distress, I am not the best person to be around. When my internal organs seem out of my control,…
It is difficult to admit defeat. It is even more of a challenge to acknowledge something as a loss. Living with chronic illness and pulmonary hypertension, I’ve felt defeated many times in my life. Sometimes, I failed to pay attention to the…
Life with chronic illness is not easy. My days are unpredictable, and I often feel unsure and uneasy about what lies ahead. Some days I feel productive and physically able, and I have sufficient energy for the things I want to accomplish. At other times, I feel completely…
In the last few months, I have spent more time in the hospital than at home. When I am discharged, I feel the anxiety that is normal for me after a hospital stay. After a few days of being home, I begin to feel relief…
A month ago, I wasn’t sure when I would be writing again. I wrote my last column prior to a life-changing surgery, hoping that it wouldn’t be my last post. Three weeks ago, I was heading into the biggest surgery I can remember having.
